Last day of work today before 2 weeks holidays…..yay!!!!! I am sooooooo bored at the moment it is just not funny. At least I only have 2 hours to kill anyway. I can’t wait for 4pm!!!!!!! I am hanging out for some time to myself to do whatever I want to do.
This afternoon I am getting my hair done and then I will take the dogs to the dog park. Then I need to get stuck into some cleaning before our BBQ tomorrow. Me-thinks it was a stupid idea having people over so close to Xmas!! Oh well…..it is all organised now…….
I have to go to the local Christmas Carols near my Mum’s house on Sunday night now. Initially I thought my brother and his family could come and that could be our “Xmas get together” but he tells me he is too busy “preparing for Xmas” to come. I will not be able to stay for too long because I need to spend some time with the dogs before we go away.
Monday morning we head off to Melbourne on a 6am flight. It looks like the Melbourne weather will be much better than Sydney…..so at least that is one bonus! J and I will basically spend Xmas Eve alone doing our own thing, which will be lovely. Xmas Day will be with his family and it looks as though Boxing Day will be spent by myself looking around the City while J spends the day with his son. No, I am not a mean and horrible bitch for not going with him. It is a long story but the basic jist of it is that J has a 14 year old son who he barely has any contact at all with. This is not the mother’s fault…..It is J’s fault. He has not put any effort in to create any sort of relationship. As such, when they are together it is very uncomfortable and awkward so I thought it would be best if they have the day alone and I do my own thing. I think I just add to the uncomfortableness when I am there. For the record, J does pay a fair bit of child support but, besides this and a few phone calls each year, he doesn’t do much else. The last day of the “holiday” will hopefully be spent alone with J……fingers crossed!
We get back to Sydney on the 28th Dec and I then have about 10 days before returning to work…..BLISS!!!! J goes back a few days earlier but that is OK.
Unfortunately my fat body will be accompanying me to Melbourne. I have dismally failed in my vague “plan” to lose weight……More like a pipe dream than a plan!! I bought a new dress yesterday, which was a size bigger than I usually take (They didn’t have my size in stock). It is really cute but a little big. What annoys me is that this should be absolutely swimming on me!!! It should be so loose that I can’t wear it. Oh well….It is not as though his family are supermodels anyway! My “Christmas eating” started off with a “bang” this morning……strawberry milk and chocolate for breakfast. Now I just feel sick. Funny thing is that when I am trying to eat healthily, I could eat 24 hours a day. When I am eating whatever I want, I don’t eat many times during the day but they are mostly foods that are not exactly diet friendly. I must get back into running after the new year….If only to keep myself sane!
Quick update on my many illnesses: I now have a cold, believe it or not! I seem to go from one sickness to the other! I may as well be 100 years old. I was speaking to a painter that was doing work at my house the other day. He was saying he is 47 years old, does no exercise, smokes, drinks like a fish, gets about 5 hours sleep a night and feels awesome. I am 30 years old, have never had a cigarette in my life, do not drink alcohol, take vitamins, get at least 7 hours sleep every night, do some form of exercise each day (even if it is only walking), eat fruit and vegetables every day (even if it is mixed in with more than my fair share of chocolate and biscuits) and I feel TERRIBLE!!!!!! I can’t believe all my tests from hospital the other week were perfect??? Maybe I should take up drinking and smoking???!!!!
Anyway I better go and “look busy” for a little while longer. Although every single thing is completely up-to-date.
Have an excellent Xmas with your families and stay safe.
Miss Pinky
Friday 21 December 2007
Tuesday 18 December 2007
Xmas Countdown
Only one week to go until Xmas.....How exciting!!! Exciting for you guys....Not so exciting for me who has to go to Melbourne and hang out with people who obviously do not like me! Enough of that as there is nothing I can do about it......Just need to "grin and bear it" for a day or two. On the upside, at least I will be able to relax in the hotel room and I don't have to do any cleaning or house stuff for a few days!
I have all my Xmas shopping finished. I ended up going halves with J in this beautiful watch he wanted. He seems impressed so that is the main thing. He got me these lovely earrings I wanted and there are some other pressies under the tree. The shops are so crowded in my area at the moment. If you don't arrive before the shops open, you won't find a park at all. Luckily I live within walking distance so it is not a major deal for me.....That is, unless I decide to buy bags of cement or a BBQ or something!
Speaking of BBQ's.....I am having a few people over this Saturday for a Xmas BBQ. We are having turkey on the BBQ and some other tasty goodies. It should be nice! Although this does mean I have to do much cleaning this week to get ready. I am very fussy about having a clean house and would die if people saw it dirty. Not that it is "dirty"....I just need to do some dusting and scrub the bathrooms.
I finish at work on Friday and have 2 weeks leave which I am HANGING out for!!!! Although I still have to be "on call" for customers and spend about a day doing end of month processing. At least it is from home though, which is much better than being in the office. I wish I had someone to cover properly for me at work so I could have a proper break but the elderly man who is my "cover" would have no clue how to issue invoices, pay invoices, etc. He is rather computer illiterate. By the time I showed him what to do, I may as well do it myself.
My dogs have gone mad I think.....Jack is the nice one who is very soft and gentle. Well, not last night!!!! We went to the dog park and a staffie put her paws up on my leg and Jack attacked her. It was full-on and he gave no warning of what he was about to do. I was so embarrassed! I am just really lucky that the staffie didn't bite him hard or he could have been killed. In the end there was no blood so that is always a good sign. He has had a couple of fights lately. This worries me because he is normally so placid! Max is the psycho one and I understand that because he was so badly abused before we got him. Jack has had the most "cushy" life possible and has no reason to be aggressive. He also killed a bird on Friday night, which was disgusting. I found it on Saturday morning and screamed my head off. I have no idea how he managed to catch it??? The trials and tribulations of dog ownership, hey?! Sometimes I wonder if kids would be easier.....Then again, I certainly couldn't leave kids home alone with a bone while I went to work!!
Diet has been fairly bad and exercise non-existent. I basically just eat when I feel like it. I have been sick lately, with dizziness, headaches and migraines. I was at the Gym last Wednesday night and half-way through a Body Attack class I got a migraine and had to leave. The migraine was accompanied by tingling arms and feet so I got J to take me to hospital because I thought I was having a stroke. Brain scans and blood tests were all clear so I am not sure what is wrong with me?? Needless to say, I am scared to be at the Gym when I am so dizzy. It is probably not a great idea. Or perhaps this is my "excuse" and I am just plain lazy??? I will see how I am feeling after Xmas anyway......Maybe some rest will be good for me.
Well it is time for me to resume my net surfing now. Work is very quiet at the moment because everyone has wound down for Xmas already. A big "hello" to Tiny Donna!!!! I hope you are recovering well and enjoying the shopping!!!
Over and Out
Miss Pinky
I have all my Xmas shopping finished. I ended up going halves with J in this beautiful watch he wanted. He seems impressed so that is the main thing. He got me these lovely earrings I wanted and there are some other pressies under the tree. The shops are so crowded in my area at the moment. If you don't arrive before the shops open, you won't find a park at all. Luckily I live within walking distance so it is not a major deal for me.....That is, unless I decide to buy bags of cement or a BBQ or something!
Speaking of BBQ's.....I am having a few people over this Saturday for a Xmas BBQ. We are having turkey on the BBQ and some other tasty goodies. It should be nice! Although this does mean I have to do much cleaning this week to get ready. I am very fussy about having a clean house and would die if people saw it dirty. Not that it is "dirty"....I just need to do some dusting and scrub the bathrooms.
I finish at work on Friday and have 2 weeks leave which I am HANGING out for!!!! Although I still have to be "on call" for customers and spend about a day doing end of month processing. At least it is from home though, which is much better than being in the office. I wish I had someone to cover properly for me at work so I could have a proper break but the elderly man who is my "cover" would have no clue how to issue invoices, pay invoices, etc. He is rather computer illiterate. By the time I showed him what to do, I may as well do it myself.
My dogs have gone mad I think.....Jack is the nice one who is very soft and gentle. Well, not last night!!!! We went to the dog park and a staffie put her paws up on my leg and Jack attacked her. It was full-on and he gave no warning of what he was about to do. I was so embarrassed! I am just really lucky that the staffie didn't bite him hard or he could have been killed. In the end there was no blood so that is always a good sign. He has had a couple of fights lately. This worries me because he is normally so placid! Max is the psycho one and I understand that because he was so badly abused before we got him. Jack has had the most "cushy" life possible and has no reason to be aggressive. He also killed a bird on Friday night, which was disgusting. I found it on Saturday morning and screamed my head off. I have no idea how he managed to catch it??? The trials and tribulations of dog ownership, hey?! Sometimes I wonder if kids would be easier.....Then again, I certainly couldn't leave kids home alone with a bone while I went to work!!
Diet has been fairly bad and exercise non-existent. I basically just eat when I feel like it. I have been sick lately, with dizziness, headaches and migraines. I was at the Gym last Wednesday night and half-way through a Body Attack class I got a migraine and had to leave. The migraine was accompanied by tingling arms and feet so I got J to take me to hospital because I thought I was having a stroke. Brain scans and blood tests were all clear so I am not sure what is wrong with me?? Needless to say, I am scared to be at the Gym when I am so dizzy. It is probably not a great idea. Or perhaps this is my "excuse" and I am just plain lazy??? I will see how I am feeling after Xmas anyway......Maybe some rest will be good for me.
Well it is time for me to resume my net surfing now. Work is very quiet at the moment because everyone has wound down for Xmas already. A big "hello" to Tiny Donna!!!! I hope you are recovering well and enjoying the shopping!!!
Over and Out
Miss Pinky
Monday 10 December 2007
Starting to feel better
For some reason I am now feeling much better than I was last week. Not that I am complaining!! I am so happy to be out of that sad and "cloudy" period......at least for the time being anyway! Thanks to everybody for their nice comments and for providing some advice on how to get the "black dog" off my back!
I had a good weekend.....J and I planted a vegetable garden in our backyard. This is something we have talked about for ages but have never actually completed so on Saturday afternoon this "mission" was accomplished. It is so cute! We have lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, spring onions, pumpkin, carrots, strawberries, basil and chillies. Of course they are only "tiny" at the moment but I have faith in them! It is actually alot of fun to water them each night and to check out if there has been any progress. I hope they grow and don't just die....It will be nice to eat a salad that you literally "grew" yourself!
On Saturday night we got some Chinese takeaway and a bottle of wine. Yes....that is correct!! This "non-drinker" has found a wine she likes!!! I have never, ever liked alcohol at all but I discovered a wine called "Cienna". It is a red dessert wine by Brown Brothers.....$13 a bottle and it is really nice. It tastes like lollies. Perhaps this is because it is only 5% alcohol. After one glass I felt really "whoozy".....I guess 30 years of being sober does not make for a big drinker hey!?
Sunday was spent browsing a local market in my area and at Kurnell with my dogs. I found what I believe to be a small stingray on the beach at Kurnell. It was still alive but was wriggling around on the sand as though it had been caught unawares when the tide went out. So, I used my thongs to pick it up and put it back in the water. The whole time I had images of a barb coming out and stabbing me in the chest....like what happened to Steve Irwin. I was happy I may have played a part in saving this stingray/fish creature. I am actually fearless when it comes to helping animals.....I would do absolutely anything to try and save one.
Believe it or not folks, this morning I actually ventured to the Gym!!! Thanks to "BluesBuffet" for the tip! ;-) I did 45mins running on the treadmill at 10km/hr (incline zero). It was horrible but great to finish and get out of there at 7am with a workout completed. J came with me too, which was nice....even though he was in the weights section which is nowhere near the cardio stuff. I will have to get to the Gym at least 4 times a week because I am definitely heading to Melbourne for Xmas and I am soooooooo embarrassed for J's family to see me with this extra weight. So, I am thinking I can lose 2kgs by Xmas fairly easily if I stay away from the junk food and do some exercise. At least an extra 2-3 kilos won't look as bad as 4-6 will.
The funny thing is with me that I can put on 2kgs and it looks like 10! I think it's because I am so short that any gain is really obvious on me. 2kgs can mean that clothes become so tight on me and a 2kg loss can have them "swimming" on me. It is unfortunate that when you are short you have to be so much stricter with maintaining your weight.
Till next time
Miss Pinky
I had a good weekend.....J and I planted a vegetable garden in our backyard. This is something we have talked about for ages but have never actually completed so on Saturday afternoon this "mission" was accomplished. It is so cute! We have lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, spring onions, pumpkin, carrots, strawberries, basil and chillies. Of course they are only "tiny" at the moment but I have faith in them! It is actually alot of fun to water them each night and to check out if there has been any progress. I hope they grow and don't just die....It will be nice to eat a salad that you literally "grew" yourself!
On Saturday night we got some Chinese takeaway and a bottle of wine. Yes....that is correct!! This "non-drinker" has found a wine she likes!!! I have never, ever liked alcohol at all but I discovered a wine called "Cienna". It is a red dessert wine by Brown Brothers.....$13 a bottle and it is really nice. It tastes like lollies. Perhaps this is because it is only 5% alcohol. After one glass I felt really "whoozy".....I guess 30 years of being sober does not make for a big drinker hey!?
Sunday was spent browsing a local market in my area and at Kurnell with my dogs. I found what I believe to be a small stingray on the beach at Kurnell. It was still alive but was wriggling around on the sand as though it had been caught unawares when the tide went out. So, I used my thongs to pick it up and put it back in the water. The whole time I had images of a barb coming out and stabbing me in the chest....like what happened to Steve Irwin. I was happy I may have played a part in saving this stingray/fish creature. I am actually fearless when it comes to helping animals.....I would do absolutely anything to try and save one.
Believe it or not folks, this morning I actually ventured to the Gym!!! Thanks to "BluesBuffet" for the tip! ;-) I did 45mins running on the treadmill at 10km/hr (incline zero). It was horrible but great to finish and get out of there at 7am with a workout completed. J came with me too, which was nice....even though he was in the weights section which is nowhere near the cardio stuff. I will have to get to the Gym at least 4 times a week because I am definitely heading to Melbourne for Xmas and I am soooooooo embarrassed for J's family to see me with this extra weight. So, I am thinking I can lose 2kgs by Xmas fairly easily if I stay away from the junk food and do some exercise. At least an extra 2-3 kilos won't look as bad as 4-6 will.
The funny thing is with me that I can put on 2kgs and it looks like 10! I think it's because I am so short that any gain is really obvious on me. 2kgs can mean that clothes become so tight on me and a 2kg loss can have them "swimming" on me. It is unfortunate that when you are short you have to be so much stricter with maintaining your weight.
Till next time
Miss Pinky
Wednesday 5 December 2007
M.I.A
I have been missing in action for a while now. What have I been up to?? Eating and feeling very flat....and fat! I am in the biggest funk ever right now.....I just can't seem to pull myself together. What is wrong with me???!!!!! I say I hate being this weight but then I can only be good for 2 weeks at the most before eating everything in sight.....so obviously the junk food and the laziness is more important to me than losing weight.
This sounds really slack but I am going through a really tough time emotionally right now and I feel I need to concentrate on feeling happy (or at the very least not being miserable every waking hour) more so than concentrating on what I am eating and what exercise I am doing. Funny thing is that if I did some exercise I would probably feel 100% better but even that will not motivate my lazy arse to move!
Although I am feeling rather miserable right now, I am still excited for Xmas! I have no idea what I am doing or even which state I will be in ("state" as in location, not mental state) but I am still feeling happy about the whole thing. I have 2 weeks off work and I am hoping the break can clear some of these cobwebs from my frazzled head. I feel like such a loser right now. I hate when I can't get my shit together and just aimlessly ponder on things that upset me.
Yes folks....I am wallowing in self pity and sometimes this just feels like the right thing for me to do!
I had J's work Xmas party the other week. It was at a lovely restaurant at King St Wharf, overlooking the water. Beautiful food too. Only issue was I got a migraine just after the main course. Nobody had any nurofen (including silly me who never leaves home without it) so J had to go and buy some for me. I then had to sit outside for half an hour with my head down in my hands.....I am sure passers-by thought I was pissed! My migraines affect my vision so I need to close my eyes to get rid of them. After a while I felt OK (could see again) but was a bit tired from it all. I hate migraines!!! I managed to squeeze myself into the little red dress that I was supposed to weigh a few kilos less to wear. It still looked OK. I also got a few nice compliments on my new hairstyle, which is always nice. The night ended with a typical fight with J and so the saga continues....I won't bore you with the details as I am too embarrassed to admit how bad my relationship really is and the fact that I am still in this relationship will make me sound mentally unstable!
Anyway....I better get going and have some lunch.....Beef curry with rice....Yummo!!!! My hips are just hanging out to get even wider!
I notice today that Tiny Donna's blog has become "by invitation only". This distresses me as browsing Donna's blog fills a massive part of my working day. If anybody can tell me how to get my hands on one of these invitations, I would be most impressed......almost "happy" perhaps!
Miss Pinky
This sounds really slack but I am going through a really tough time emotionally right now and I feel I need to concentrate on feeling happy (or at the very least not being miserable every waking hour) more so than concentrating on what I am eating and what exercise I am doing. Funny thing is that if I did some exercise I would probably feel 100% better but even that will not motivate my lazy arse to move!
Although I am feeling rather miserable right now, I am still excited for Xmas! I have no idea what I am doing or even which state I will be in ("state" as in location, not mental state) but I am still feeling happy about the whole thing. I have 2 weeks off work and I am hoping the break can clear some of these cobwebs from my frazzled head. I feel like such a loser right now. I hate when I can't get my shit together and just aimlessly ponder on things that upset me.
Yes folks....I am wallowing in self pity and sometimes this just feels like the right thing for me to do!
I had J's work Xmas party the other week. It was at a lovely restaurant at King St Wharf, overlooking the water. Beautiful food too. Only issue was I got a migraine just after the main course. Nobody had any nurofen (including silly me who never leaves home without it) so J had to go and buy some for me. I then had to sit outside for half an hour with my head down in my hands.....I am sure passers-by thought I was pissed! My migraines affect my vision so I need to close my eyes to get rid of them. After a while I felt OK (could see again) but was a bit tired from it all. I hate migraines!!! I managed to squeeze myself into the little red dress that I was supposed to weigh a few kilos less to wear. It still looked OK. I also got a few nice compliments on my new hairstyle, which is always nice. The night ended with a typical fight with J and so the saga continues....I won't bore you with the details as I am too embarrassed to admit how bad my relationship really is and the fact that I am still in this relationship will make me sound mentally unstable!
Anyway....I better get going and have some lunch.....Beef curry with rice....Yummo!!!! My hips are just hanging out to get even wider!
I notice today that Tiny Donna's blog has become "by invitation only". This distresses me as browsing Donna's blog fills a massive part of my working day. If anybody can tell me how to get my hands on one of these invitations, I would be most impressed......almost "happy" perhaps!
Miss Pinky
Wednesday 21 November 2007
I have been Tagged!!!!
I am so excited really because I have been "tagged" by Nic.....Sorry Nic.....No idea how to put a link on! Now I feel a "real" part of the blogging community.....Yay!!!!
Four dishes I like to cook:
1. Toast
2. Fruit salad
3. Salad
4. Toast……If you haven’t guessed, I can’t cook at all!!!! J does the cooking!
Four qualities I love in people:
1. Openness
2. Friendliness
3. Forgiveness……because I need it as I always stuff up!
4. Generosity
Four places I have been:
1. Thailand (Phuket and Bangkok)
2. Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
3. Bali
4. New Zealand (Auckland)
Four things in my bedroom:
1. An electric fan
2. TV
3. Bed
4. 2 dogs who really should not be in there!!!!
Four dirty words that I like to use:
1. Fuck
2. Fuck
3. Fuck
4. Fuck
Food and exercise has been sooooooo bad! This is why I didn't post yesterday. I would have filled my whole blog up with my Menu for the day!!!! I am feeling, dare I say it, "happy" though and that is the most important thing! I will get back on track after a little (BIG) splurge. Why does shortbread taste so much better than salad?
I managed to start my Christmas shopping yesterday. I bought an outfit for each of my 2 nieces. I am glad I have at least started the shopping! I have a bit to go but "slow and steady wins the race".
I am going for dinner tonight with J and a couple of girls from my old work (J works at my old work), which will be nice. It is always good to catch up. I was thinking to myself this morning about how I just "waste away" Monday - Friday and hang out for the weekend. It is as though the weekdays are for simply getting through and I never do anything fun during the week. This needs to change!! There are only 2 days for the weekend and 5 days for the week.....so if I waste the weekdays, that means 260 days a year have been put to no good use. I am going to make an effort to do stuff during the week, like see a movie, go out for coffee/cake, go shopping after work, etc. Life is just too short to waste it I think!
I am loving daylight savings at the moment. It is so good to be able to walk the dogs or take them to the park later than usual and to have a BBQ dinner before it gets dark. I wish it was like this all year round but I guess then it would not feel special!
I won't put my "plan" down for today as it is rather disgusting!!!
Miss Pinky
Four dishes I like to cook:
1. Toast
2. Fruit salad
3. Salad
4. Toast……If you haven’t guessed, I can’t cook at all!!!! J does the cooking!
Four qualities I love in people:
1. Openness
2. Friendliness
3. Forgiveness……because I need it as I always stuff up!
4. Generosity
Four places I have been:
1. Thailand (Phuket and Bangkok)
2. Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
3. Bali
4. New Zealand (Auckland)
Four things in my bedroom:
1. An electric fan
2. TV
3. Bed
4. 2 dogs who really should not be in there!!!!
Four dirty words that I like to use:
1. Fuck
2. Fuck
3. Fuck
4. Fuck
Food and exercise has been sooooooo bad! This is why I didn't post yesterday. I would have filled my whole blog up with my Menu for the day!!!! I am feeling, dare I say it, "happy" though and that is the most important thing! I will get back on track after a little (BIG) splurge. Why does shortbread taste so much better than salad?
I managed to start my Christmas shopping yesterday. I bought an outfit for each of my 2 nieces. I am glad I have at least started the shopping! I have a bit to go but "slow and steady wins the race".
I am going for dinner tonight with J and a couple of girls from my old work (J works at my old work), which will be nice. It is always good to catch up. I was thinking to myself this morning about how I just "waste away" Monday - Friday and hang out for the weekend. It is as though the weekdays are for simply getting through and I never do anything fun during the week. This needs to change!! There are only 2 days for the weekend and 5 days for the week.....so if I waste the weekdays, that means 260 days a year have been put to no good use. I am going to make an effort to do stuff during the week, like see a movie, go out for coffee/cake, go shopping after work, etc. Life is just too short to waste it I think!
I am loving daylight savings at the moment. It is so good to be able to walk the dogs or take them to the park later than usual and to have a BBQ dinner before it gets dark. I wish it was like this all year round but I guess then it would not feel special!
I won't put my "plan" down for today as it is rather disgusting!!!
Miss Pinky
Monday 19 November 2007
Cheering up
I had a pretty good weekend food-wise……A few bad things (golden gaytime icecream, kit-kat, chicken parmagiana) mixed in with quite a bit of healthy stuff (salad, sushi, yoghurt). Today I am 65kgs, which is 0.2kgs down from Friday. I also went to the Gym on Saturday and ran on the treadmill for 40 mins. Treadmill running is just not for me…..All I do is “watch the clock” and I find it really boring with nothing to look at or to distract me from my puffing and panting. It was the longest 40 minute run EVER! I also think it is physically tougher on your legs, as your motion is identical with each step.
J’s Christmas party is on Saturday and I am 1kg away from my “Christmas party goal” so I need to make sure I eat well and do 5 exercise sessions this week. This is the only way I will drop a kilo by Saturday.
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Small fruit salad plus 1 small slice grain bread with vegemite
Morning tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Prawn salad (prawns, avocado, spinach, cucumber, capsicum, shallots, pumpkin, tomatoes, mushrooms, sundried tomatoes) and a chicken cup-a-soup
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt
Dinner: Ham, cheese and tomato toasted sandwich
Dessert: W/W cake bar
Exercise: Body Attack class this afternoon
The weather in Sydney was so beautiful on the weekend. I went to the pool yesterday for an hour and got really burnt. I had trouble sleeping last night as I couldn’t get comfortable and I was really hot. Hopefully tonight my sunburn will be a bit better so sleeping will be easier.
Nothing has been decided for Xmas as yet and it is only about 5 weeks away!!! I hate feeling disorganised!!! I also need to make a start on my Xmas shopping. I always end up just buying stuff for myself when I go shopping and then have to do the “mad rush” at the last minute for everyone else. I don’t know why but it really does feel like Christmas to me this year. I think it may be a combination of the nice weather and the summer fruits in the shops, as well as the fact that I haven’t really “felt” Christmas for a few years.
Miss Pinky
J’s Christmas party is on Saturday and I am 1kg away from my “Christmas party goal” so I need to make sure I eat well and do 5 exercise sessions this week. This is the only way I will drop a kilo by Saturday.
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Small fruit salad plus 1 small slice grain bread with vegemite
Morning tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Prawn salad (prawns, avocado, spinach, cucumber, capsicum, shallots, pumpkin, tomatoes, mushrooms, sundried tomatoes) and a chicken cup-a-soup
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt
Dinner: Ham, cheese and tomato toasted sandwich
Dessert: W/W cake bar
Exercise: Body Attack class this afternoon
The weather in Sydney was so beautiful on the weekend. I went to the pool yesterday for an hour and got really burnt. I had trouble sleeping last night as I couldn’t get comfortable and I was really hot. Hopefully tonight my sunburn will be a bit better so sleeping will be easier.
Nothing has been decided for Xmas as yet and it is only about 5 weeks away!!! I hate feeling disorganised!!! I also need to make a start on my Xmas shopping. I always end up just buying stuff for myself when I go shopping and then have to do the “mad rush” at the last minute for everyone else. I don’t know why but it really does feel like Christmas to me this year. I think it may be a combination of the nice weather and the summer fruits in the shops, as well as the fact that I haven’t really “felt” Christmas for a few years.
Miss Pinky
Friday 16 November 2007
A major surprise and a new hairdo
I absolutely never saw this coming but J arrived home late from work last night and rushed in to say he wanted to be with me. To say I was “shocked” is a vast understatement!! I think he expected me to be overwhelmed with joy and to reacted very excitedly but I just couldn’t. Although I was happy that he was giving us another chance….I was so devastated from the previous night’s turmoil that I reacted very, very calmly. Dare I say it but I was almost “cold”.
I am happy but I am also scared. I now know that “breaking up” is something he is totally prepared to do so that will always be in the back of my mind. I need to work on my jealousy issues and my anger and I also need to start doing some things by myself (and letting him do the same) and not being so reliant on him. This all will not be easy and it will take time. I need to be more respectful and supportive of him and treat him that way. Of course, J is no angel but these are the things that I need to focus on.
I had planned on a weekend of being very upset and just trying to keep myself busy…..but it looks like we may now be able to spend some time together “reconnecting”. The weather is supposed to be nice so perhaps we will head to the beach or something? Yes….I am happy but now the real work begins.
I got my hair coloured last night. It is much lighter….nearly blonde….and I am so happy with it! It is exactly what I wanted and I feel so much better. Also – The pants I am wearing today are hanging off me and falling down, which always feels good! Better than digging in and cutting off my circulation!
I went a little “overboard” with my food last night. I had an extra piece of toast and some ice cream and a kit-kat but this morning I am down 0.4kgs so it hasn’t done damage….I hope. Next week I need to make sure I do 5 exercise sessions. This should be possible now that my world is coming back to some sort of order. Now it will simply be about motivation.
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: 1 english muffin with light peanut butter
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Egg and salad wrap
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt and 2 apricots
Dinner: Either fish and vegies (if the fish hasn’t gone “bad”) or a ham, cheese and tomato toasted sandwich
Dessert: 2 finger kit-kat
I am not doing any exercise today because my dogs have been very neglected this past week and I did not take them out at all last night so I will head straight to the dog park instead. They were very upset when J and I were arguing and they are in need of some TLC!
Miss Pinky
I am happy but I am also scared. I now know that “breaking up” is something he is totally prepared to do so that will always be in the back of my mind. I need to work on my jealousy issues and my anger and I also need to start doing some things by myself (and letting him do the same) and not being so reliant on him. This all will not be easy and it will take time. I need to be more respectful and supportive of him and treat him that way. Of course, J is no angel but these are the things that I need to focus on.
I had planned on a weekend of being very upset and just trying to keep myself busy…..but it looks like we may now be able to spend some time together “reconnecting”. The weather is supposed to be nice so perhaps we will head to the beach or something? Yes….I am happy but now the real work begins.
I got my hair coloured last night. It is much lighter….nearly blonde….and I am so happy with it! It is exactly what I wanted and I feel so much better. Also – The pants I am wearing today are hanging off me and falling down, which always feels good! Better than digging in and cutting off my circulation!
I went a little “overboard” with my food last night. I had an extra piece of toast and some ice cream and a kit-kat but this morning I am down 0.4kgs so it hasn’t done damage….I hope. Next week I need to make sure I do 5 exercise sessions. This should be possible now that my world is coming back to some sort of order. Now it will simply be about motivation.
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: 1 english muffin with light peanut butter
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Egg and salad wrap
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt and 2 apricots
Dinner: Either fish and vegies (if the fish hasn’t gone “bad”) or a ham, cheese and tomato toasted sandwich
Dessert: 2 finger kit-kat
I am not doing any exercise today because my dogs have been very neglected this past week and I did not take them out at all last night so I will head straight to the dog park instead. They were very upset when J and I were arguing and they are in need of some TLC!
Miss Pinky
Thursday 15 November 2007
Another one bites the dust!
I couldn’t stand to play “the waiting game” any more, so last night I confronted J to make a decision. He chose to leave. I won’t go into the details but I was devastated….once again! Went to bed crying hysterically….again. Woke up with puffy eyes….again. He is now to move out of the house ASAP as it is not healthy for me to see him every day. It will mean I will never get over him. Once he moves out I can concentrate on “me” and building my life again. I know he thinks I am so nasty to tell him to move out but how the f**k can I stop loving him when he is in my face??
I was pretty good with food yesterday but I did have a 2 finger kit-kat and about 10 lollies, which were not in the plan. I didn’t make it to the Gym as I was feeling too upset. I did manage to vacuum the house though, which I am very impressed with. How sad that it is now a big challenge for me to get something so minor done!! This break up has just “floored” me and I find things like keeping the house tidy really difficult at the moment. Every little job seems like the biggest job on earth and all I want to do is sit around and cry. Before this happened, I was such a perfectionist in my house!!
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Turkey, 1 boiled egg and salad
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt
Dinner: Probably 2 x toast
Dessert: W/W cake bar
No exercise today. I am going to get my hair coloured and cut after work so hopefully that cheers me up a little bit. Although I doubt I would have done any exercise anyway!!!
Miss Pinky
I was pretty good with food yesterday but I did have a 2 finger kit-kat and about 10 lollies, which were not in the plan. I didn’t make it to the Gym as I was feeling too upset. I did manage to vacuum the house though, which I am very impressed with. How sad that it is now a big challenge for me to get something so minor done!! This break up has just “floored” me and I find things like keeping the house tidy really difficult at the moment. Every little job seems like the biggest job on earth and all I want to do is sit around and cry. Before this happened, I was such a perfectionist in my house!!
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Turkey, 1 boiled egg and salad
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt
Dinner: Probably 2 x toast
Dessert: W/W cake bar
No exercise today. I am going to get my hair coloured and cut after work so hopefully that cheers me up a little bit. Although I doubt I would have done any exercise anyway!!!
Miss Pinky
Wednesday 14 November 2007
Coming To Terms With Things.....Maybe!
I am still feeling rather angry about everything today but I am also starting to believe that my future will definitely be without J in it. He has still made no decision and the longer this drags out, the more I see that he has no real respect for my feelings. He knows this eats me up inside.
I slept in the spare room last night. It is not good for me sleeping in the same bed as him. It just confuses things and will mean I am far more devastated the day he actually moves out. It is time to start getting used to being alone now.
Anyway, I just can't be bothered to write about this stuff today as it is nothing but DEPRESSING! I think I am going to hire a car this weekend and head to Forster for 2 nights. It is meant to be nice weather so I can just lay on the beach and relax. It has to be better than sitting at home alone and feeling sad.
I was rather bad with my food yesterday. I ate nearly a whole bag of lollies and put on 0.6kgs this morning as punishment! I guess it is only a small deviation over the last few weeks and it could have been much, much worse considering that I am an emotional eater at times.
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morn Tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Pumpkin soup and 1 slice grain bread
Afternoon Tea: Yoghurt....although I really want a muesli slice from the vending machine which equates to about 400 calories!!!!!! It is really a "cake" not a health food.
Dinner: Probably leftover prawn curry with rice
Dessert: W/W cake bar
Exercise: Body Attack class at 6pm....It will be hard to motivate myself
Miss Pinky
I slept in the spare room last night. It is not good for me sleeping in the same bed as him. It just confuses things and will mean I am far more devastated the day he actually moves out. It is time to start getting used to being alone now.
Anyway, I just can't be bothered to write about this stuff today as it is nothing but DEPRESSING! I think I am going to hire a car this weekend and head to Forster for 2 nights. It is meant to be nice weather so I can just lay on the beach and relax. It has to be better than sitting at home alone and feeling sad.
I was rather bad with my food yesterday. I ate nearly a whole bag of lollies and put on 0.6kgs this morning as punishment! I guess it is only a small deviation over the last few weeks and it could have been much, much worse considering that I am an emotional eater at times.
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morn Tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Pumpkin soup and 1 slice grain bread
Afternoon Tea: Yoghurt....although I really want a muesli slice from the vending machine which equates to about 400 calories!!!!!! It is really a "cake" not a health food.
Dinner: Probably leftover prawn curry with rice
Dessert: W/W cake bar
Exercise: Body Attack class at 6pm....It will be hard to motivate myself
Miss Pinky
Tuesday 13 November 2007
Starting to feel angry
Today I am feeling more angry than hurt. I feel that J simply has the best of both worlds now….Everything is completely under his control. I don’t have any say in where he goes or what he does, I do all of the housework and washing and don’t nag him to help because I worry he will then decide he will move out and he is still able to talk to me and hang out with me when he wants so he is not alone or bored. In addition to this, we have also been intimate a few times. In my defence, I only did this because he initiated it and I thought he would definitely not do that unless we were getting back together. How wrong I was!!!! I thought he was different to other guys I have been with. So now, he seems to have maintained all the good stuff from the relationship and completely avoided the bad stuff, the chores, the responsibilities and the commitment.
He came home last night about 7.30pm….after a run. I was having toast for dinner as I felt a bit sick after my run in the heat. He got out his steak to cook and asked me to make a salad for him. I did make it but a part of me was thinking “What is going on here?? I am being used!”. I also did his dishes when he went out to buy the groceries and he didn’t even notice I had done them when he got home.
Now I am completely aware all of this is stuff that is under my control. I can stop cleaning up after him, doing his washing and definitely can stop being intimate with him!! I am just angry that he feels OK about treating me like this. Even if he doesn’t ever want to be with me again, he doesn’t have to be like this. Surely he remembers that he was once very in love with me??
I asked him last night if he thinks he will make a decision by Christmas and he said “I hope so”. Christmas is 6 weeks away!!!!!! How could he even imagine he will string this out for that long???!!!! Maybe it is just me but I don’t understand this “needing time to think” saga. Don’t you just “know” if you want to be with someone or if you don’t?? To me, it is a fairly straight-forward decision…..Does he want to build a future with me or not?? What is annoying me is that he doesn’t seem to be putting any time into doing his “thinking” anyway. I don’t know how long I can go on with this “waiting game”. As much as I do love him and wish he would give me another chance, my patience is wearing very thin.
I went for a 10km run last night. It was so unbelievably hot!!! I hadn’t run for 11 days and it was a real struggle. I felt good about it when I finished though. I am glad I did something. I am not sure if I will do anything tonight (exercise wise) or just wait until tomorrow. With my emotional state at the moment, I am putting no pressure on myself with exercise. I will “plan” on 5 days but if I only do 2 or 3, it is still better than none. I am still being really good with the food though. I weighed myself this morning and I was 65kgs on the dot….YAY!!!! This is a 3.2kg loss in 15 days. This is actually the lightest I have been since January!
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Big bowl of fruit salad
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Grain roll, turkey, salad, dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt
Dinner: Maybe curry prawns with rice (weight watchers recipe)
Dessert: W/W cake bar
Exercise: Will just see how I feel
Miss Pinky
He came home last night about 7.30pm….after a run. I was having toast for dinner as I felt a bit sick after my run in the heat. He got out his steak to cook and asked me to make a salad for him. I did make it but a part of me was thinking “What is going on here?? I am being used!”. I also did his dishes when he went out to buy the groceries and he didn’t even notice I had done them when he got home.
Now I am completely aware all of this is stuff that is under my control. I can stop cleaning up after him, doing his washing and definitely can stop being intimate with him!! I am just angry that he feels OK about treating me like this. Even if he doesn’t ever want to be with me again, he doesn’t have to be like this. Surely he remembers that he was once very in love with me??
I asked him last night if he thinks he will make a decision by Christmas and he said “I hope so”. Christmas is 6 weeks away!!!!!! How could he even imagine he will string this out for that long???!!!! Maybe it is just me but I don’t understand this “needing time to think” saga. Don’t you just “know” if you want to be with someone or if you don’t?? To me, it is a fairly straight-forward decision…..Does he want to build a future with me or not?? What is annoying me is that he doesn’t seem to be putting any time into doing his “thinking” anyway. I don’t know how long I can go on with this “waiting game”. As much as I do love him and wish he would give me another chance, my patience is wearing very thin.
I went for a 10km run last night. It was so unbelievably hot!!! I hadn’t run for 11 days and it was a real struggle. I felt good about it when I finished though. I am glad I did something. I am not sure if I will do anything tonight (exercise wise) or just wait until tomorrow. With my emotional state at the moment, I am putting no pressure on myself with exercise. I will “plan” on 5 days but if I only do 2 or 3, it is still better than none. I am still being really good with the food though. I weighed myself this morning and I was 65kgs on the dot….YAY!!!! This is a 3.2kg loss in 15 days. This is actually the lightest I have been since January!
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Big bowl of fruit salad
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Grain roll, turkey, salad, dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt
Dinner: Maybe curry prawns with rice (weight watchers recipe)
Dessert: W/W cake bar
Exercise: Will just see how I feel
Miss Pinky
Monday 12 November 2007
I survived the weekend.....
Reading my last post again sends a chill up my spine. Although it is certainly 100% truthful, it makes me sound like a real “basket case”. For the record, I do not come across in my everyday life as psychotic or deranged. I go to work every day (have done since I was 14 years old), I am polite to others, I live in a nice clean house, I do not drink alcohol or take drugs to deal with my issues. To the outside world, it would appear that I am rather settled and happy. Of course, what is going on in my head and my heart is anything BUT settled and happy!!!
J is still living with me but we are not together. It is very weird as we still sleep in the same bed, etc and even went to Westfield and the dog park together over the weekend. I am still crushed beyond belief but will not cry, as I just can’t front up to work with puffy eyes again! This happened last week and I made out I just “woke up like that”. You see, I have not told anybody at work what has happened. I just pretend all is OK. To be honest, I am not at all close to anyone at work so serious conversations do not come up anyway. It is very hard to concentrate at work as all I can think of is J and what has happened.
The weekend passed me by in a bit of a “haze”. I would have moments where I felt OK and then 5 minutes later I felt physically ill…..Like I wanted to collapse in a pile of tears. At this time, my mood can change in the space of a few minutes. I guess that is what grief is all about! It is grief that I am dealing with…..the death of my relationship. Of course, it is no way comparable to actually losing a loved one but it is still the same sort of feelings.
I managed to get a few things done on the weekend. I did the washing and changed the sheets but couldn’t manage the vacuuming. I went out with my sister Friday night and last night, which was good to get my mind off things. Pretty quiet nights but it was better than moping at home.
J had an engagement party on last night. I was invited and we had already RSVP’d but he told the guy we were fighting and he didn’t want me to come. Perhaps it is just my warped sense of thinking but I think that is mean. If we had already RSVP’d, he should have just gone with me. It is not as though we aren’t speaking! We spent most of the weekend together anyway…..
I did zero exercise on the weekend. I just couldn’t muster up the strength to go. Although I didn’t eat much at all so I weighed in this morning at 65.6kgs…..a total loss of 2.6kgs in 2 weeks. I feel much better and much less wobbly, so I guess that is something to feel happy about. I have been having toast for dinner most nights. I know that is really bad and not nutritious at all but it seems to be all I can stomach when I am feeling sad at night.
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morning tea: 4 multigrain corn thins
Lunch: Egg and salad wrap
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt
Dinner: Toast x 2….probably with jam or peanut butter
Dessert: Either an iceblock or a 2 finger kit-kat
Exercise: Praying I can make myself go for a run after work
Miss Pinky
J is still living with me but we are not together. It is very weird as we still sleep in the same bed, etc and even went to Westfield and the dog park together over the weekend. I am still crushed beyond belief but will not cry, as I just can’t front up to work with puffy eyes again! This happened last week and I made out I just “woke up like that”. You see, I have not told anybody at work what has happened. I just pretend all is OK. To be honest, I am not at all close to anyone at work so serious conversations do not come up anyway. It is very hard to concentrate at work as all I can think of is J and what has happened.
The weekend passed me by in a bit of a “haze”. I would have moments where I felt OK and then 5 minutes later I felt physically ill…..Like I wanted to collapse in a pile of tears. At this time, my mood can change in the space of a few minutes. I guess that is what grief is all about! It is grief that I am dealing with…..the death of my relationship. Of course, it is no way comparable to actually losing a loved one but it is still the same sort of feelings.
I managed to get a few things done on the weekend. I did the washing and changed the sheets but couldn’t manage the vacuuming. I went out with my sister Friday night and last night, which was good to get my mind off things. Pretty quiet nights but it was better than moping at home.
J had an engagement party on last night. I was invited and we had already RSVP’d but he told the guy we were fighting and he didn’t want me to come. Perhaps it is just my warped sense of thinking but I think that is mean. If we had already RSVP’d, he should have just gone with me. It is not as though we aren’t speaking! We spent most of the weekend together anyway…..
I did zero exercise on the weekend. I just couldn’t muster up the strength to go. Although I didn’t eat much at all so I weighed in this morning at 65.6kgs…..a total loss of 2.6kgs in 2 weeks. I feel much better and much less wobbly, so I guess that is something to feel happy about. I have been having toast for dinner most nights. I know that is really bad and not nutritious at all but it seems to be all I can stomach when I am feeling sad at night.
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morning tea: 4 multigrain corn thins
Lunch: Egg and salad wrap
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt
Dinner: Toast x 2….probably with jam or peanut butter
Dessert: Either an iceblock or a 2 finger kit-kat
Exercise: Praying I can make myself go for a run after work
Miss Pinky
Friday 9 November 2007
One hell of an honest read....If you are up for it!
I thought it may be “therapeutic” to analyse my relationship history….and my life in general…..so here goes….
I was born in New Zealand. My Mum and Dad were married but my Dad was highly abusive towards my Mum, both physically and mentally. He was abused as a child, so perhaps this provided a “reason” for his abuse but certainly was not an excuse. Apparently I was a happy child and had a good relationship with my Dad. He left when I was about 3 years old. He went to jail for 14 years but that is a whole other story. I have no recollection of ever living with my Dad or having him around.
It was then my Mum, my older brother (10 years older) and me. My Dad was moved from a New Zealand jail to an Australian one so we moved to Australia. I absolutely idolised my brother. I guess he was a substitute for a father for me. I always wanted to be around him and I must have really annoyed him, especially during his teenage years! My brother was married quite young and moved out, which broke my heart. I was always going over to visit him and he eventually told my Mum I wasn’t allowed around so much as it was annoying him. A couple of years later, when I was about 12 years old, he cut off all contact with my Mum and me. He did not speak to us at all for 6 years. 6 whole f**ken years!!!! I never really understood why…..All I knew is that I really missed him…..So much so that I would cry. Today, he does talk to us but our relationship is very forced and uncomfortable. I don’t think those “missing years” can ever be gained back.
My next “male rejection” comes in the form of my first boyfriend. I remember spending the majority of my waking hours from age 14 to 16 staring out my front window to see if he was around and waiting for a phone call that never came. He used to break up with me all the time and run out and me. Then, I would just wait until he came back again. I remember being is so much pain and just wishing he would really care for me. After about 2 years together, I found him asleep one morning with a girl’s phone number and a bra next to his bed. I went home, took 40 panadol with a bottle of Midori and this marked my first suicide attempt. He actually came into my house when I was taking the tablets, stole $40 from me, told me to take more tablets and left. My Mum found me and I was in hospital for 2 days, eating charcoal to fix my liver. I never saw him again. Nice guy!
Next was a boyfriend I spent over 4 years with. Basically the same story. He was always out with his mates drinking and would come home early in the morning when he was well and truly tanked. Quite obviously he was using me but I couldn’t see it. He used to break up with me all the time and then get back with me. He would just “toy” with my emotions. We had some absolutely horrific fights and I could never handle him walking out on me. This meant I often ran after him down the street in my nightie and other things to the same effect. I was with him from when I was 17-21. I must have really been a joke to him. I wonder if he ever feels bad for what I went through…..Probably not.
Next, I had a 3 month relationship that ended with an AVO out on ME!!!! This guy was sooooooooo full on…..Such an absolute charmer. He said all the right things to swindle situations into exactly what he wanted. A week after I met him, I went to Bali on a holiday. While I was there, he used to send 16 page faxes to my hotel, declaring his love for me, etc. I was a bit “suss” at the start but this sort of attention is just what the doctor ordered for someone with very low self-esteem. I fell HARD. He played the same old game…..Constant break ups, not answering my calls, running away, getting back together. He broke up with me one day and I just assumed it was like all the other times and that if I called him, he would realise he should come back. Well, he obviously really meant it this time, so when I called him many, many times he went to the police and took out an AVO. I was so devastated! He did not live in my area but he would pull up out the front of my house tooting his car horn. I would go out to see what the noise was to witness a girl getting into his car. This is most probably the first day I discovered running. I ran and ran and ran to get out all the hurt and anger. He would also always comment on how fat I was and, looking back, I wasn’t even fat.
There was one in the middle who I was with for 6 months. Yes – he also broke up with me but was a bit of a freak and it didn’t really affect me so this is nothing major.
Next up was one that I still find painful at times. 18 months, so obsessed with me at the start, fell in love with me very quickly and then began the cycle of breaking up with me, getting back together, etc. He was also violent when he drank alcohol, which was just horrible. I was too scared to be alone and too scared to deal with more rejection, so I stayed. Each time I kept going back. Each time I got hurt. He broke up with me one night and I left his house and promised to never go back. I didn’t. I met my ex-husband 2 nights later. Needless to say, he tried to get back with me after “the usual three days” and it was too late. It took me a very long time to get over this and I believe a piece of it is still with me even today.
My ex-husband is wonderful. Never did anything wrong, loved me unconditionally and treated me like a princess. Unfortunately, I was not attracted to him so after 3 years together, I left. Looking back, was I not attracted to him because he never “played the game” of breaking up with me, getting back together?? Seems rather reasonable! This is the only time I have ever broken up with someone. We still talk on the phone sometimes. He is still lovely and is with someone else. I hope I never made him feel how I have felt with partners in my past. I broke up with him, after meeting J. Horrible I know, but the truth!
Every time I meet someone they fall for me in a very big way and fast! I am not being vain as I actually have a major low self-esteem problem but this is true. I think I play a role of the “perfect girlfriend” when I meet someone. I never show them my insecurities, my jealousy, my anger or my neediness. I pretend to be self-sufficient, confident and FUN…..All the things that I really am not. I think I have learnt how to behave to make them fall for me.
I can only keep the façade up for a few weeks though and then the real me starts to come through…..Insanely jealous, very needy, wanting to spend 100% of my time with them, highly emotional and vulnerable, downright nasty and evil in an argument, organised to the point of obsessiveness. I am petrified of rejection and by “being the real me”, I bring rejection into my life. I make such a big “song and dance” about being scared they will leave me that, ultimately, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When they have had enough (time ranging from 3 months to 4 years) and leave me, it confirms how unlovable I am and that I was “right from the start”. What a hideous rollercoaster!!!
So, this is the first time J has broken up with me. I am breaking the vicious cycle of my life. I will not try and change his mind and I will not chase him. It is his life and his decision. I have only been alone (without a boyfriend) for a few weeks since I was 14….16 years. I am petrified of being alone but, in reality, my relationships have been so messed up that I have spent the majority of that time alone, waiting for them to return to me. It is time to fix myself. It is time to take accountability for the fact that no man wants to spend his life with a psycho like me. I need to start to love myself more and believe I am worthy of a loving relationship. If I feel I am a worthwhile person, I won’t be jealous, then I won’t be angry or nasty…..and then perhaps I can find my life-long partner.
Miss Pinky.
I was born in New Zealand. My Mum and Dad were married but my Dad was highly abusive towards my Mum, both physically and mentally. He was abused as a child, so perhaps this provided a “reason” for his abuse but certainly was not an excuse. Apparently I was a happy child and had a good relationship with my Dad. He left when I was about 3 years old. He went to jail for 14 years but that is a whole other story. I have no recollection of ever living with my Dad or having him around.
It was then my Mum, my older brother (10 years older) and me. My Dad was moved from a New Zealand jail to an Australian one so we moved to Australia. I absolutely idolised my brother. I guess he was a substitute for a father for me. I always wanted to be around him and I must have really annoyed him, especially during his teenage years! My brother was married quite young and moved out, which broke my heart. I was always going over to visit him and he eventually told my Mum I wasn’t allowed around so much as it was annoying him. A couple of years later, when I was about 12 years old, he cut off all contact with my Mum and me. He did not speak to us at all for 6 years. 6 whole f**ken years!!!! I never really understood why…..All I knew is that I really missed him…..So much so that I would cry. Today, he does talk to us but our relationship is very forced and uncomfortable. I don’t think those “missing years” can ever be gained back.
My next “male rejection” comes in the form of my first boyfriend. I remember spending the majority of my waking hours from age 14 to 16 staring out my front window to see if he was around and waiting for a phone call that never came. He used to break up with me all the time and run out and me. Then, I would just wait until he came back again. I remember being is so much pain and just wishing he would really care for me. After about 2 years together, I found him asleep one morning with a girl’s phone number and a bra next to his bed. I went home, took 40 panadol with a bottle of Midori and this marked my first suicide attempt. He actually came into my house when I was taking the tablets, stole $40 from me, told me to take more tablets and left. My Mum found me and I was in hospital for 2 days, eating charcoal to fix my liver. I never saw him again. Nice guy!
Next was a boyfriend I spent over 4 years with. Basically the same story. He was always out with his mates drinking and would come home early in the morning when he was well and truly tanked. Quite obviously he was using me but I couldn’t see it. He used to break up with me all the time and then get back with me. He would just “toy” with my emotions. We had some absolutely horrific fights and I could never handle him walking out on me. This meant I often ran after him down the street in my nightie and other things to the same effect. I was with him from when I was 17-21. I must have really been a joke to him. I wonder if he ever feels bad for what I went through…..Probably not.
Next, I had a 3 month relationship that ended with an AVO out on ME!!!! This guy was sooooooooo full on…..Such an absolute charmer. He said all the right things to swindle situations into exactly what he wanted. A week after I met him, I went to Bali on a holiday. While I was there, he used to send 16 page faxes to my hotel, declaring his love for me, etc. I was a bit “suss” at the start but this sort of attention is just what the doctor ordered for someone with very low self-esteem. I fell HARD. He played the same old game…..Constant break ups, not answering my calls, running away, getting back together. He broke up with me one day and I just assumed it was like all the other times and that if I called him, he would realise he should come back. Well, he obviously really meant it this time, so when I called him many, many times he went to the police and took out an AVO. I was so devastated! He did not live in my area but he would pull up out the front of my house tooting his car horn. I would go out to see what the noise was to witness a girl getting into his car. This is most probably the first day I discovered running. I ran and ran and ran to get out all the hurt and anger. He would also always comment on how fat I was and, looking back, I wasn’t even fat.
There was one in the middle who I was with for 6 months. Yes – he also broke up with me but was a bit of a freak and it didn’t really affect me so this is nothing major.
Next up was one that I still find painful at times. 18 months, so obsessed with me at the start, fell in love with me very quickly and then began the cycle of breaking up with me, getting back together, etc. He was also violent when he drank alcohol, which was just horrible. I was too scared to be alone and too scared to deal with more rejection, so I stayed. Each time I kept going back. Each time I got hurt. He broke up with me one night and I left his house and promised to never go back. I didn’t. I met my ex-husband 2 nights later. Needless to say, he tried to get back with me after “the usual three days” and it was too late. It took me a very long time to get over this and I believe a piece of it is still with me even today.
My ex-husband is wonderful. Never did anything wrong, loved me unconditionally and treated me like a princess. Unfortunately, I was not attracted to him so after 3 years together, I left. Looking back, was I not attracted to him because he never “played the game” of breaking up with me, getting back together?? Seems rather reasonable! This is the only time I have ever broken up with someone. We still talk on the phone sometimes. He is still lovely and is with someone else. I hope I never made him feel how I have felt with partners in my past. I broke up with him, after meeting J. Horrible I know, but the truth!
Every time I meet someone they fall for me in a very big way and fast! I am not being vain as I actually have a major low self-esteem problem but this is true. I think I play a role of the “perfect girlfriend” when I meet someone. I never show them my insecurities, my jealousy, my anger or my neediness. I pretend to be self-sufficient, confident and FUN…..All the things that I really am not. I think I have learnt how to behave to make them fall for me.
I can only keep the façade up for a few weeks though and then the real me starts to come through…..Insanely jealous, very needy, wanting to spend 100% of my time with them, highly emotional and vulnerable, downright nasty and evil in an argument, organised to the point of obsessiveness. I am petrified of rejection and by “being the real me”, I bring rejection into my life. I make such a big “song and dance” about being scared they will leave me that, ultimately, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When they have had enough (time ranging from 3 months to 4 years) and leave me, it confirms how unlovable I am and that I was “right from the start”. What a hideous rollercoaster!!!
So, this is the first time J has broken up with me. I am breaking the vicious cycle of my life. I will not try and change his mind and I will not chase him. It is his life and his decision. I have only been alone (without a boyfriend) for a few weeks since I was 14….16 years. I am petrified of being alone but, in reality, my relationships have been so messed up that I have spent the majority of that time alone, waiting for them to return to me. It is time to fix myself. It is time to take accountability for the fact that no man wants to spend his life with a psycho like me. I need to start to love myself more and believe I am worthy of a loving relationship. If I feel I am a worthwhile person, I won’t be jealous, then I won’t be angry or nasty…..and then perhaps I can find my life-long partner.
Miss Pinky.
Broken Hearted
So the story goes like this…..
J broke up with me on Wednesday night. Said he “couldn’t live like this anymore”. Well, another one bites the dust! It lasted 2 years and 4 months. We were engaged which makes it all a little harder. For some reason I honestly believed him when he said we would be together forever. What the f**k does “forever” mean these days anyway??!!! I feel terribly betrayed and I swing between being absolutely devastated and crying non-stop, to being so angry I feel like smashing something. Things were so fantastic at first. I had never felt anything like it. I was so completely and utterly head over heels in love and he adored me! I KNEW that I meant a lot to him. How did it all get so messed up?? How could it go from so perfect to non-existent?? I was completely willing to stay together and work towards a solution but he decided he wanted out. So, now I must learn to live with this decision and carve out a new “routine” that does not include J.
I will stay at the house and I will keep the dogs. He will find somewhere else to live and will take his car and the scooter. I will need to get myself a crappy little car to get to work because there is no public transport that I can get to my work.
I think I will see if my sister (19 years old) is going out tonight and I may head out with her to get my mind off everything. It is going to be tough but I know I will survive…..I have been broken up with many times before and always recovered. I just wish I did not have to deal with this though. It feels like such a shame and such a a waste.
Needless to say, I am finding the exercise a little hard right now. I can’t motivate myself to leave the house. I haven’t even taken the dogs out for 2 days and have been using the rain as an excuse. Truth is, I just feel so deflated!!!
I stuck to my food plan yesterday but had 2 pieces of toast with light peanut butter for dinner instead of the steak and vegies. By the time I had finished crying and trying to change J’s mind, it was too late to cook.
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Cereal, skim, ½ banana
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Grain roll, chicken, lettuce, tomato, low-fat dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Grapes and an orange
Dinner: Salty tears…..Hopefully steak and vegies or toast if I am emotional
Dessert: I don’t really care
Exercise: Maybe a run this afternoon but I am guessing nothing. I will definitely do a couple of Spin classes on the weekend….
Thanks to people who have left comments on here. Thanks Tiny Donna for mentioning me on your Blog!!!!….I have no idea how to add a link to your Blog as I am a technical idiot! As well as a relationship IDIOT!!!!
Have a great weekend all and NEVER TAKE A RELATIONSHIP FOR GRANTED!!!! Please take this advice from someone who has been dumped more times than they have had hot dinners!
Miss Pinky
J broke up with me on Wednesday night. Said he “couldn’t live like this anymore”. Well, another one bites the dust! It lasted 2 years and 4 months. We were engaged which makes it all a little harder. For some reason I honestly believed him when he said we would be together forever. What the f**k does “forever” mean these days anyway??!!! I feel terribly betrayed and I swing between being absolutely devastated and crying non-stop, to being so angry I feel like smashing something. Things were so fantastic at first. I had never felt anything like it. I was so completely and utterly head over heels in love and he adored me! I KNEW that I meant a lot to him. How did it all get so messed up?? How could it go from so perfect to non-existent?? I was completely willing to stay together and work towards a solution but he decided he wanted out. So, now I must learn to live with this decision and carve out a new “routine” that does not include J.
I will stay at the house and I will keep the dogs. He will find somewhere else to live and will take his car and the scooter. I will need to get myself a crappy little car to get to work because there is no public transport that I can get to my work.
I think I will see if my sister (19 years old) is going out tonight and I may head out with her to get my mind off everything. It is going to be tough but I know I will survive…..I have been broken up with many times before and always recovered. I just wish I did not have to deal with this though. It feels like such a shame and such a a waste.
Needless to say, I am finding the exercise a little hard right now. I can’t motivate myself to leave the house. I haven’t even taken the dogs out for 2 days and have been using the rain as an excuse. Truth is, I just feel so deflated!!!
I stuck to my food plan yesterday but had 2 pieces of toast with light peanut butter for dinner instead of the steak and vegies. By the time I had finished crying and trying to change J’s mind, it was too late to cook.
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Cereal, skim, ½ banana
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Grain roll, chicken, lettuce, tomato, low-fat dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Grapes and an orange
Dinner: Salty tears…..Hopefully steak and vegies or toast if I am emotional
Dessert: I don’t really care
Exercise: Maybe a run this afternoon but I am guessing nothing. I will definitely do a couple of Spin classes on the weekend….
Thanks to people who have left comments on here. Thanks Tiny Donna for mentioning me on your Blog!!!!….I have no idea how to add a link to your Blog as I am a technical idiot! As well as a relationship IDIOT!!!!
Have a great weekend all and NEVER TAKE A RELATIONSHIP FOR GRANTED!!!! Please take this advice from someone who has been dumped more times than they have had hot dinners!
Miss Pinky
Thursday 8 November 2007
Scales heading down.....
Just a quick one....
Stuck to plan yesterday, apart from 2 biscuits but I skipped the iceblock and had a smaller dinner to make up for it. Did a Body Attack class (high energy aerobics), which was easier than I remember it ever being. Either the instructor was not very good or the Spinning is increasing my fitness??
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Lite n Tasty cereal with skim and a half a banana
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Grain roll, chicken, salad, dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt, grapes, half an orange
Dinner: Steak, sweet potato, corn, beans
Dessert: 1 biscuit (will probably have before dinner again)
Exercise: Considering a 5pm Spin class but I have something major going on at home (which I will discuss later) so I will see how I go.
Miss Pinky
Stuck to plan yesterday, apart from 2 biscuits but I skipped the iceblock and had a smaller dinner to make up for it. Did a Body Attack class (high energy aerobics), which was easier than I remember it ever being. Either the instructor was not very good or the Spinning is increasing my fitness??
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Lite n Tasty cereal with skim and a half a banana
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Grain roll, chicken, salad, dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt, grapes, half an orange
Dinner: Steak, sweet potato, corn, beans
Dessert: 1 biscuit (will probably have before dinner again)
Exercise: Considering a 5pm Spin class but I have something major going on at home (which I will discuss later) so I will see how I go.
Miss Pinky
Wednesday 7 November 2007
Feeling down in the dumps again!
Yesterday my food was "spot on", except I swapped the iceblock for a biscuit. I really crave things like biscuits so I am better off giving in and having one, otherwise I will have a major blow out and eat 100!!
J got home late last night and we had a big argument so I didn't get to my Boxing class. I don't think Boxing when you are really mad is a great idea....especially when you would be doing it with the person you are mad at! This means my day off was yesterday and I will have to exercise today, which I am a bit spewing about. All J and I do is fight. He must truly hate me so much the way he talks to me. I spend so much time questioning what it is I have done to make him so cold towards me or what I could do better but, ultimately, I cannot change how he feels and acts towards me. What I can control is how his actions affect me and just pay no attention to the "fat" comments he makes.
I stay because I am scared to be alone. I stay because I don't know where I have options of meeting someone else as I am a real homebody. I stay because it is convenient. I will have to have a real hard think to decide if it is all worth it. Needless to say, I feel rather down today. I also had a complaint put in to customer service about me. One of the trucking companies that I use to carry product says he is not getting a fair share of the work. Maybe that is because you are a total ar*ehole to me and treat me like sh*t??!! He didn't even copy me in on the email he sent because he is a complete coward! So, today I have to work out the % of loads this pri*k has been getting and let customer service know. Today is not a great day.
On a positive note though I did win $60 on the cup sweeps yesterday.
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Pumpkin soup and salad
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt
Dinner: Pita bread pizza (ham, cheese, mushroom, capsicum, tomato paste, garlic)
Dessert: Ice block
Exercise: 6.15pm Spin but I have a feeling I will skip it....fingers crossed I don't!
Miss Pinky
J got home late last night and we had a big argument so I didn't get to my Boxing class. I don't think Boxing when you are really mad is a great idea....especially when you would be doing it with the person you are mad at! This means my day off was yesterday and I will have to exercise today, which I am a bit spewing about. All J and I do is fight. He must truly hate me so much the way he talks to me. I spend so much time questioning what it is I have done to make him so cold towards me or what I could do better but, ultimately, I cannot change how he feels and acts towards me. What I can control is how his actions affect me and just pay no attention to the "fat" comments he makes.
I stay because I am scared to be alone. I stay because I don't know where I have options of meeting someone else as I am a real homebody. I stay because it is convenient. I will have to have a real hard think to decide if it is all worth it. Needless to say, I feel rather down today. I also had a complaint put in to customer service about me. One of the trucking companies that I use to carry product says he is not getting a fair share of the work. Maybe that is because you are a total ar*ehole to me and treat me like sh*t??!! He didn't even copy me in on the email he sent because he is a complete coward! So, today I have to work out the % of loads this pri*k has been getting and let customer service know. Today is not a great day.
On a positive note though I did win $60 on the cup sweeps yesterday.
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Pumpkin soup and salad
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt
Dinner: Pita bread pizza (ham, cheese, mushroom, capsicum, tomato paste, garlic)
Dessert: Ice block
Exercise: 6.15pm Spin but I have a feeling I will skip it....fingers crossed I don't!
Miss Pinky
Tuesday 6 November 2007
Tuesday Update
Yesterday went entirely according to plan....No stuff ups at all!!! Which was surprising considering I was hungry from the moment I woke up and work was really dead.....which normally means I eat heaps! I did have to have my dessert (W/W cake bar) at about 4.30pm though, as I was feeling hungry. Spin class was OK, except I feel that I did not give it the 100% I normally do. There were times I could have put the dial up more or gone faster. I was still very sweaty afterwards though. I guess anything is better than sitting at home watching TV!!
It is the Melbourne Cup today and they are having an afternoon tea at work, which will be a little challenging. I just have to think about my goal and avoid the snacks!!!! I am not betting today.....Just going in a few office sweeps.
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morn tea: Large handful nuts and craisins
Lunch: Grain roll, chicken, lettuce, tomato, low-fat dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Raspberry yoghurt and a carrot
Dinner: Grilled fish, salad, sweet potato
Dessert: Ice block
Exercise: Boxing tonight
Miss Pinky
It is the Melbourne Cup today and they are having an afternoon tea at work, which will be a little challenging. I just have to think about my goal and avoid the snacks!!!! I am not betting today.....Just going in a few office sweeps.
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morn tea: Large handful nuts and craisins
Lunch: Grain roll, chicken, lettuce, tomato, low-fat dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Raspberry yoghurt and a carrot
Dinner: Grilled fish, salad, sweet potato
Dessert: Ice block
Exercise: Boxing tonight
Miss Pinky
Monday 5 November 2007
Cold and Hungry.....
I have officially survived the weekend! I did a Spin class on Saturday morning, making it 5 exercise sessions for the week. Food-wise, I am rather proud of myself, basically only breaking from my plan to have a biscuit each day. This morning, I am 66.4kgs, so I have lost 1.8kgs this week. Yay!!!!! My clothes are already feeling much better.
I have planned out my food and exercise for the week, although it looks nearly identical to last week! I think because I lost a good amount of weight I am now too scared to deviate at all.
I discovered weight watcher's cake bars on the weekend. These are great if you have a sweet tooth....they taste like mud cake and are only about 70 calories each. You really feel as though you have eaten something "bad" though.
My plan for today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Grain roll, chicken, tomato, lettuce, low-fat dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Raspberry yoghurt (about 1/2 cup)
Dinner: 1 egg, 1/2 can spaghetti, 2 grain toast (Lazy dinner as J home late)
Dessert: Either an ice block or a W/W cake bar
Exercise: Spin class tonight
It is very cold in Sydney today....rainy and windy. I always find I am more hungry on these days and love to eat things like biscuits, cakes, chocolates so I will need to be really STRONG today.
I am a bit freaked out by my lack of running (only doing 1 run a week) as I am meant to be doing the Central Coast half marathon in about 4 weeks. I am finding that the Spinning is doing much more for my weight loss and fitness though, so that is why I am doing more of this. Even though I do find the Spin classes much harder than a run. I guess if I can get some kilos off, the running will be easier and it is not as though my body will "forget" how to run. My longer term goal is still the Gold Coast Marathon in 2008......I will see how I go.
Miss Pinky
I have planned out my food and exercise for the week, although it looks nearly identical to last week! I think because I lost a good amount of weight I am now too scared to deviate at all.
I discovered weight watcher's cake bars on the weekend. These are great if you have a sweet tooth....they taste like mud cake and are only about 70 calories each. You really feel as though you have eaten something "bad" though.
My plan for today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Grain roll, chicken, tomato, lettuce, low-fat dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Raspberry yoghurt (about 1/2 cup)
Dinner: 1 egg, 1/2 can spaghetti, 2 grain toast (Lazy dinner as J home late)
Dessert: Either an ice block or a W/W cake bar
Exercise: Spin class tonight
It is very cold in Sydney today....rainy and windy. I always find I am more hungry on these days and love to eat things like biscuits, cakes, chocolates so I will need to be really STRONG today.
I am a bit freaked out by my lack of running (only doing 1 run a week) as I am meant to be doing the Central Coast half marathon in about 4 weeks. I am finding that the Spinning is doing much more for my weight loss and fitness though, so that is why I am doing more of this. Even though I do find the Spin classes much harder than a run. I guess if I can get some kilos off, the running will be easier and it is not as though my body will "forget" how to run. My longer term goal is still the Gold Coast Marathon in 2008......I will see how I go.
Miss Pinky
Friday 2 November 2007
Day 5 and the game is still "on"!
I completely stuck to my plan yesterday......not one stuff up at all!
I am so proud!!!!
I had a slight urge for chocolate but managed to resist it!
There are a couple of people who have left comments on here.....For some reason I can't respond but know that I do read them and really appreciate the comments/feedback. Thanks guys!!! :-)
My Mum is much better now. 100% better than the day of her operation. She is even eating small bits of food now, which is good. I have a feeling she will probably be in hospital until Monday, so it will be a weekend of visits back and forth from the hospital. It's a pity the hospital is 45 minutes drive away! As well as my hospital visits, I plan on going to the Sydney Motorcycle Show this weekend. J is right into motorbikes at the moment and I quite like stuff like this too. It is meant to be a rainy Sydney weekend, so no outdoor activities for me! Although I will get either a run or a spin class in to make it 5 exercise sessions for the week. YAY!!!
My Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morning tea: 3 multigrain rice cakes
Lunch: Grain roll with egg, spinach and low-fat dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Celery, carrot and handful of nuts
Dinner: Pasta with tomato, basil, mushroom, capsicum
Dessert: Lifesaver iceblock
Exercise: Spin class already completed!
Have a great weekend!!!!!!
Miss Pinky
I am so proud!!!!
I had a slight urge for chocolate but managed to resist it!
There are a couple of people who have left comments on here.....For some reason I can't respond but know that I do read them and really appreciate the comments/feedback. Thanks guys!!! :-)
My Mum is much better now. 100% better than the day of her operation. She is even eating small bits of food now, which is good. I have a feeling she will probably be in hospital until Monday, so it will be a weekend of visits back and forth from the hospital. It's a pity the hospital is 45 minutes drive away! As well as my hospital visits, I plan on going to the Sydney Motorcycle Show this weekend. J is right into motorbikes at the moment and I quite like stuff like this too. It is meant to be a rainy Sydney weekend, so no outdoor activities for me! Although I will get either a run or a spin class in to make it 5 exercise sessions for the week. YAY!!!
My Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morning tea: 3 multigrain rice cakes
Lunch: Grain roll with egg, spinach and low-fat dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Celery, carrot and handful of nuts
Dinner: Pasta with tomato, basil, mushroom, capsicum
Dessert: Lifesaver iceblock
Exercise: Spin class already completed!
Have a great weekend!!!!!!
Miss Pinky
Thursday 1 November 2007
Going strong
Stuck to my plan yesterday, apart from one dorrito chip and a handful of nuts.....But I skipped the iceblock to try and make up for it.
My Mum will be in hospital for a few days. I went and saw her last night. She was really slepy and sore.....Not surprisingly! I will go and see her each night until she gets out. Poor Mum! I hope she gets well soon.
Plan For Today.....
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morn Tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Grain roll with egg, spinach and low fat dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Carrots, celery and nuts
Dinner: Steak and vegies
Dessert: Lifesaver iceblock
Exercise: 8km run already completed....yay!!! :-)
Miss Pinky
My Mum will be in hospital for a few days. I went and saw her last night. She was really slepy and sore.....Not surprisingly! I will go and see her each night until she gets out. Poor Mum! I hope she gets well soon.
Plan For Today.....
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morn Tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Grain roll with egg, spinach and low fat dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Carrots, celery and nuts
Dinner: Steak and vegies
Dessert: Lifesaver iceblock
Exercise: 8km run already completed....yay!!! :-)
Miss Pinky
Wednesday 31 October 2007
Still on track....
Day 2 is down and dusted and I completely stuck to my plan, except for one rice cake (22 calories).....Not bad!!! Boxing was good.....Quite fun actually. J and I did it together. We were both really sweaty by the end. Today my arms are a bit sore but still movable.
PLAN FOR TODAY:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morning tea: 15 rice crackers (number always depends on what ends up in my container)
Lunch: Pumpkin soup plus 1 slice grain bread
Afternoon tea: Half cup low fat yoghurt plus carrot/celery sticks
Dinner: Prawn curry with rice/vegies (weight watchers recipe)
Dessert: Lifesavers iceblock
Exercise: None.....Visiting my Mum in hospital straight after work. May just walk the dogs really late tonight but I don't count dog walking as exercise due to having to stop every 5 seconds for a "sniff"!!!
I am already feeling better about myself. Scales are still showing a 0.8kgs loss, which I am happy with. I need to stop the daily weighing but I am so addicted!!!
I ate so many vegetables yesterday that I thought I would turn into a carrot!! I must be so full of vitamins, which is awesome.
Miss Pinky.
PLAN FOR TODAY:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morning tea: 15 rice crackers (number always depends on what ends up in my container)
Lunch: Pumpkin soup plus 1 slice grain bread
Afternoon tea: Half cup low fat yoghurt plus carrot/celery sticks
Dinner: Prawn curry with rice/vegies (weight watchers recipe)
Dessert: Lifesavers iceblock
Exercise: None.....Visiting my Mum in hospital straight after work. May just walk the dogs really late tonight but I don't count dog walking as exercise due to having to stop every 5 seconds for a "sniff"!!!
I am already feeling better about myself. Scales are still showing a 0.8kgs loss, which I am happy with. I need to stop the daily weighing but I am so addicted!!!
I ate so many vegetables yesterday that I thought I would turn into a carrot!! I must be so full of vitamins, which is awesome.
Miss Pinky.
Tuesday 30 October 2007
One day down....A lifetime to go.....
Well I DID IT!!!!!! I stuck to my eating plan for a whole day and went to my Spin class last night. The only way I deviated from my plan is that I didn't have the fish and vegies for dinner....I had 2 slices of grain toast with vegemite instead. This was because the fish had become frozen in the fridge. Weird??
The Spin class was so full-on. I was sweating like an animal and pushed myself really hard. There was a girl next to me with a full head of make-up, complete with pretty hair and pretty clothes. At the end of the class her make-up was still fully intact and all she had was a sparkle of sweat on her brow. Sometimes I wonder why people like this even bother! Is it just so she can tell everyone she does Spin classes?? Or, perhaps I am just simply jealous because she had an awesome figure!! I guess....why push hard when you don't really have to?
J and I had a big argument last night, with him once again picking on my weight. Funny thing is that it didn't even upset me this time. Ordinarily I would head straight for some chocolate or junk food to "console" myself. This time though I thought "Yes I am carrying some extra kilos but I am now doing something about it and I will lose it.....for me!!". Each time he makes nasty comments towards me, it just chips away at our relationship and makes me really question why I am with someone that so negatively affects my self esteem. J used to be so lovely towards me but lately he is just cold and basically ignores me. I guess only time will tell if we stay together but my patience is wearing very thin. The only reason I stay with him is because I am scared to be alone....but in all honesty, I spend so much time alone now that I may as well be single.
My Mum goes into hospital for an operation tomorrow. She is having a hysterectomy. She thinks she should only be in hospital for one night but one doctor said it may be 5 nights. I hope it all goes OK for her. I will go and visit her tomorrow after work and take her some flowers. I feel sorry for my Mum....She has had a really tough life. Always made bad choices in men, struggled to bring up 3 kids as a single Mum and now she is 62 and has been single for years. I wonder if she gets lonely?? I worry what will happen if my sister ever leaves home.
Plan for today:
BREAKFAST: Fruit salad
MORNING TEA: 11 rice crackers
LUNCH: Grain roll with chicken and salad
AFTERNOON TEA: Carrot and celery sticks and a handful of nuts
DINNER: The fish I guess....with vegies
DESSERT: Lifesaver iceblock
EXERCISE: 1 hour Boxing class
Fingers crossed I can be "good" for another day!
Miss Pinky.
The Spin class was so full-on. I was sweating like an animal and pushed myself really hard. There was a girl next to me with a full head of make-up, complete with pretty hair and pretty clothes. At the end of the class her make-up was still fully intact and all she had was a sparkle of sweat on her brow. Sometimes I wonder why people like this even bother! Is it just so she can tell everyone she does Spin classes?? Or, perhaps I am just simply jealous because she had an awesome figure!! I guess....why push hard when you don't really have to?
J and I had a big argument last night, with him once again picking on my weight. Funny thing is that it didn't even upset me this time. Ordinarily I would head straight for some chocolate or junk food to "console" myself. This time though I thought "Yes I am carrying some extra kilos but I am now doing something about it and I will lose it.....for me!!". Each time he makes nasty comments towards me, it just chips away at our relationship and makes me really question why I am with someone that so negatively affects my self esteem. J used to be so lovely towards me but lately he is just cold and basically ignores me. I guess only time will tell if we stay together but my patience is wearing very thin. The only reason I stay with him is because I am scared to be alone....but in all honesty, I spend so much time alone now that I may as well be single.
My Mum goes into hospital for an operation tomorrow. She is having a hysterectomy. She thinks she should only be in hospital for one night but one doctor said it may be 5 nights. I hope it all goes OK for her. I will go and visit her tomorrow after work and take her some flowers. I feel sorry for my Mum....She has had a really tough life. Always made bad choices in men, struggled to bring up 3 kids as a single Mum and now she is 62 and has been single for years. I wonder if she gets lonely?? I worry what will happen if my sister ever leaves home.
Plan for today:
BREAKFAST: Fruit salad
MORNING TEA: 11 rice crackers
LUNCH: Grain roll with chicken and salad
AFTERNOON TEA: Carrot and celery sticks and a handful of nuts
DINNER: The fish I guess....with vegies
DESSERT: Lifesaver iceblock
EXERCISE: 1 hour Boxing class
Fingers crossed I can be "good" for another day!
Miss Pinky.
Monday 29 October 2007
Breaking out of this Funk
Today is the start of getting back to being healthy. I know I say this all the time but I absolutely NEED to do it this time. As difficult as I find it to resist junk food and do regular exercise, I find it even tougher to hate myself the way I do now. I think of how I have let myself go and it makes me feel sick!
When I initially set out on this weight loss journey about 2 and a half years ago, my goal was to get to 60kgs. The closest I ever got was 61.6kgs in early Dec last year. Today I weighed in at 68.2kgs!!! That is a gain of 6.6kgs! I have never ever mentioned my actual weight on here due to feeling ashamed but it is time I became accountable for my actions. I am sick of feeling unattractive, frumpy and tired! I am sick of my thighs rubbing together and I am sick of “wobbling”!!!!
I am at a point where I am close to being house bound because I am so scared I will go somewhere and see someone who last saw me in Dec and they will think “Oh my God….Hasn’t she let herself go?”. I worked REALLY HARD for this…..I hated exercising 5-6 times a week and I really missed chocolate, McDonalds, etc but it was worth it because I lost a lot of weight and felt a little bit “good” about myself. I felt proud of what I had nearly achieved and loved the comments people would make about my weight loss. Now, people say nothing because it is quite obvious I am not achieving anything other than a massive spare tyre!
From now on I will write down everything I eat and exercise at least 4 times a week. I planned on running this morning but at 5.30am it was still dark and, as such, I could not motivate myself. So I MUST go to a Spin class at the Gym tonight and tomorrow I will do a Boxing class. I will plan the rest of the week closer to the day.
My food today looks like this:
BREAKFAST: Bowl of fresh fruit with half cup low fat yoghurt
MORNING TEA: 12 wholegrain rice crackers
LUNCH: Multigrain roll with lean chicken and salad
DINNER: Grilled fish with vegies and lemon
DESSERT: Lifesavers ice block (Better than my usual big bowl of icecream)
OPTIONAL SNACK: Nuts (See how I feel later)
It is J’s work Christmas party in about 4 weeks. Remember that I used to work there until Jan this year??….. The last Xmas party, I was about 62kgs and people kept making comments about my weight loss. I felt awesome…..Even “attractive”!!! If I stick to my plan religiously for 4 weeks, I should be able to get to 64kgs. At least then, it won’t be a massively obvious difference that people will talk about…..At least I hope it won’t!!!!
An update on the 8km run the other weekend…..It was sooooooo hot and horrible but I finished a minute quicker than last year. I was actually not happy with this as I wanted to do a really bad time to prove to myself how much harder running is with excess baggage. I finished in 49 minutes, so just over 6 min kms.
As God as my witness, from today on I WILL break out of this “funk” I have been in and get on with the task of being kinder to my body.
Miss Pinky
When I initially set out on this weight loss journey about 2 and a half years ago, my goal was to get to 60kgs. The closest I ever got was 61.6kgs in early Dec last year. Today I weighed in at 68.2kgs!!! That is a gain of 6.6kgs! I have never ever mentioned my actual weight on here due to feeling ashamed but it is time I became accountable for my actions. I am sick of feeling unattractive, frumpy and tired! I am sick of my thighs rubbing together and I am sick of “wobbling”!!!!
I am at a point where I am close to being house bound because I am so scared I will go somewhere and see someone who last saw me in Dec and they will think “Oh my God….Hasn’t she let herself go?”. I worked REALLY HARD for this…..I hated exercising 5-6 times a week and I really missed chocolate, McDonalds, etc but it was worth it because I lost a lot of weight and felt a little bit “good” about myself. I felt proud of what I had nearly achieved and loved the comments people would make about my weight loss. Now, people say nothing because it is quite obvious I am not achieving anything other than a massive spare tyre!
From now on I will write down everything I eat and exercise at least 4 times a week. I planned on running this morning but at 5.30am it was still dark and, as such, I could not motivate myself. So I MUST go to a Spin class at the Gym tonight and tomorrow I will do a Boxing class. I will plan the rest of the week closer to the day.
My food today looks like this:
BREAKFAST: Bowl of fresh fruit with half cup low fat yoghurt
MORNING TEA: 12 wholegrain rice crackers
LUNCH: Multigrain roll with lean chicken and salad
DINNER: Grilled fish with vegies and lemon
DESSERT: Lifesavers ice block (Better than my usual big bowl of icecream)
OPTIONAL SNACK: Nuts (See how I feel later)
It is J’s work Christmas party in about 4 weeks. Remember that I used to work there until Jan this year??….. The last Xmas party, I was about 62kgs and people kept making comments about my weight loss. I felt awesome…..Even “attractive”!!! If I stick to my plan religiously for 4 weeks, I should be able to get to 64kgs. At least then, it won’t be a massively obvious difference that people will talk about…..At least I hope it won’t!!!!
An update on the 8km run the other weekend…..It was sooooooo hot and horrible but I finished a minute quicker than last year. I was actually not happy with this as I wanted to do a really bad time to prove to myself how much harder running is with excess baggage. I finished in 49 minutes, so just over 6 min kms.
As God as my witness, from today on I WILL break out of this “funk” I have been in and get on with the task of being kinder to my body.
Miss Pinky
Friday 12 October 2007
The Weight Dilemma
I am not feeling the best today….For some reason I have developed a stomach ache and I feel very tired. Probably my body trying to tell me it is sick of all the junk food and it wants to get healthy again!! Although nothing seems to be able motivate me at the moment. I ran on Monday and Wednesday, 8kms each time and with some hills on Wednesday also. The runs were so hard because of this extra weight I am carrying and also because I have been so inconsistent with my running for the past few months. I hate feeling so unfit but obviously my love for high calorie food is stronger than my desire to lose weight……or else I would do something about it!
So many of my clothes are tight on me at the moment, so I just don’t wear them. I stick to the clothes that are loose and don’t make me feel uncomfortable. I tried to wear a pair of pants to work today but they felt so awful that I changed into a big baggy skirt instead. Mind you, these pants were so loose 2 years ago, that I considered throwing them out. Even my bras are now tight on me and dig in.
Where has my motivation gone and why on earth am I letting all my hard work go to waste? I am hating myself so much at the moment for my lack of self control. It is just disgusting! I also have my 8km run on Sunday, which will kill me due to my lack of fitness. Rather than just talking about joining Jenny Craig again, I think I need to “bite the bullet” and do it! If I could lose a few kilos I would feel so much better. Unfortunately, at the moment, when I have a choice as to which foods I eat, I choose the stuff I shouldn’t be eating and my serves are just too big.
I need to set out a food and exercise plan and actually stick to it!!
Enjoy your weekend and please return my motivation if you find it!
Miss Pinky.
So many of my clothes are tight on me at the moment, so I just don’t wear them. I stick to the clothes that are loose and don’t make me feel uncomfortable. I tried to wear a pair of pants to work today but they felt so awful that I changed into a big baggy skirt instead. Mind you, these pants were so loose 2 years ago, that I considered throwing them out. Even my bras are now tight on me and dig in.
Where has my motivation gone and why on earth am I letting all my hard work go to waste? I am hating myself so much at the moment for my lack of self control. It is just disgusting! I also have my 8km run on Sunday, which will kill me due to my lack of fitness. Rather than just talking about joining Jenny Craig again, I think I need to “bite the bullet” and do it! If I could lose a few kilos I would feel so much better. Unfortunately, at the moment, when I have a choice as to which foods I eat, I choose the stuff I shouldn’t be eating and my serves are just too big.
I need to set out a food and exercise plan and actually stick to it!!
Enjoy your weekend and please return my motivation if you find it!
Miss Pinky.
Wednesday 3 October 2007
Sydney Half Marathon Update
Welcome to my very overdue post on the Sydney half marathon!!! It was the least painful long run I have ever done. The weather was very cool…..even “cold” at the start and the course was just perfect……very flat with only a few short inclines. I just kept on making sure that I reached each kilometre marker within 7 minutes, or better. At the 5km mark, I had a big drink of water and got a bad stitch, which I thought was going to force me to stop but I pushed through it and by 7km it was gone. The run was so scenic and it was awesome watching the half marathon leaders running back past me.
At the 16km mark I was expecting my lower back pain to kick in but it never came. I was so happy to not be hurting. At the 19km mark I had to stop and stretch for about 30 seconds but that was my only stop of the whole run. I came in at 2hrs 15 minutes, which is 12 minutes better than my Bankstown half time. I was so happy with myself, although I was upset J had not watched me come through the finish line. J finished in 99 minutes so he was very impressed with his time.
After the run, I did not even have to rest all day as I wasn’t feeling sore or sick, which was great. We stayed around to watch the Marathon runners come in. What absolute legends those people are!!!!! The winner won by about 8 minutes!!!! “One day” I will attempt a marathon!!
My next run is an 8km run near my Mum’s house. It is a pretty cool course but a little hilly. I did a time of 50 minutes last year, which is a good time for me. I am not sure if I will do this again this year as I am carrying a bit of extra “padding” and I am running less regularly now. After this, I will do the Central Coast half marathon in Dec, as this is meant to be a very flat course and I just love flat!!!!
The hotel that we stayed in at St Leonards was so nice and modern. It had a plasma TV, beautiful king bed, Aveda toiletries and a fantastic shower. The Gym there was just like a mini Fitness First Gym (same equipment)…..not that I used it though! The hotel also had a regular checkout time of 12pm, which is so generous. This meant we got to go back to the hotel after the race and have a nice shower before heading home.
I was so impressed by this hotel that J and I are staying there again this Saturday night for his birthday. I think we will have a nice picnic on Saturday, then check into the hotel and go out for dinner and drinks. It will just be the two of us, which will be nice. I love hotels!!! J already has his birthday present from me. I got him a Polar running watch. I notice he wears it every day but I don’t think he has calibrated it properly yet to work out his stats.
J has gone away on a work conference today, which means I am alone for 2 nights. I am going to stay at my Mum’s as I get freaked out in the big old house by myself and it will give me a chance to spend a bit of time with my Mum and sister. I can also run around her house, which is my favourite place to run.
Work is still good but has been very busy. I spent a few hours over the weekend catching up on work, which was not good but it was basically my own fault for taking it easy throughout the month. At least I have “learnt my lesson” for next time!
Food is going very, very bad. All I do is eat junk and heaps of it! Hopefully now that the weather is getting warmer I will ease back a bit. I really want to join Jenny Craig for a few months but I honestly can’t afford it at the moment. J and I are going to Bali for Christmas and need to save for this. I am so psyched to go away!!!! I love being in warm places and just shopping and eating and doing whatever I like…..Bliss!!!!
Till Next Time
Miss Pinky
At the 16km mark I was expecting my lower back pain to kick in but it never came. I was so happy to not be hurting. At the 19km mark I had to stop and stretch for about 30 seconds but that was my only stop of the whole run. I came in at 2hrs 15 minutes, which is 12 minutes better than my Bankstown half time. I was so happy with myself, although I was upset J had not watched me come through the finish line. J finished in 99 minutes so he was very impressed with his time.
After the run, I did not even have to rest all day as I wasn’t feeling sore or sick, which was great. We stayed around to watch the Marathon runners come in. What absolute legends those people are!!!!! The winner won by about 8 minutes!!!! “One day” I will attempt a marathon!!
My next run is an 8km run near my Mum’s house. It is a pretty cool course but a little hilly. I did a time of 50 minutes last year, which is a good time for me. I am not sure if I will do this again this year as I am carrying a bit of extra “padding” and I am running less regularly now. After this, I will do the Central Coast half marathon in Dec, as this is meant to be a very flat course and I just love flat!!!!
The hotel that we stayed in at St Leonards was so nice and modern. It had a plasma TV, beautiful king bed, Aveda toiletries and a fantastic shower. The Gym there was just like a mini Fitness First Gym (same equipment)…..not that I used it though! The hotel also had a regular checkout time of 12pm, which is so generous. This meant we got to go back to the hotel after the race and have a nice shower before heading home.
I was so impressed by this hotel that J and I are staying there again this Saturday night for his birthday. I think we will have a nice picnic on Saturday, then check into the hotel and go out for dinner and drinks. It will just be the two of us, which will be nice. I love hotels!!! J already has his birthday present from me. I got him a Polar running watch. I notice he wears it every day but I don’t think he has calibrated it properly yet to work out his stats.
J has gone away on a work conference today, which means I am alone for 2 nights. I am going to stay at my Mum’s as I get freaked out in the big old house by myself and it will give me a chance to spend a bit of time with my Mum and sister. I can also run around her house, which is my favourite place to run.
Work is still good but has been very busy. I spent a few hours over the weekend catching up on work, which was not good but it was basically my own fault for taking it easy throughout the month. At least I have “learnt my lesson” for next time!
Food is going very, very bad. All I do is eat junk and heaps of it! Hopefully now that the weather is getting warmer I will ease back a bit. I really want to join Jenny Craig for a few months but I honestly can’t afford it at the moment. J and I are going to Bali for Christmas and need to save for this. I am so psyched to go away!!!! I love being in warm places and just shopping and eating and doing whatever I like…..Bliss!!!!
Till Next Time
Miss Pinky
Friday 21 September 2007
Birthday and Running Update
I am now officially in my “thirties” and I don’t feel any different so my fear was unfounded. I had an awesome birthday!! The secret getaway that J took me on was to the Blue Mountains. He had booked a lovely Victorian style room, complete with spa, log fire, strawberries and chocolates and he even booked me into the spa for a facial and massage. It was such a lovely, thoughtful gesture….I was very impressed! It was great to just relax and not have to worry about housework or the dogs (they were at my Mum’s and I love them to death but enjoy a small break every now and then as they are so full-on). We went to a nice little Mediterranean restaurant on the Thursday night and had some yummy pizza and pasta. After this, J produced a small birthday mudcake back at the hotel and he even had ice-cream to go with it. I was so full afterwards but it was all delicious. We had a buffet breakfast in the morning after a great sleep-in and then had our spa treatment. After this, we had a quick look around Katoomba, grabbed some lunch (more yummy cakes) and drove back to Sydney.
Then I had my McDonald’s party on the Friday night with my family. I will post some pics when I work out how to do it!! It was nice and casual and my sister had bought the most amazing ice-cream cake I have ever had!!! It was from Wendy’s and was Cookies and Cream flavour, with scoops of all different flavours on top and the whole cake had big rectangles of chocolate around it….YUMMO!!!!
I got some good pressies too. The best present is the most amazing hair straightener from my sister. It is one of those ionic straighteners which cost about $300. I think the brand is “Kodo” or something like that and it is FANTASTIC!!! In about 15 seconds it heats up to 210 degrees and perfectly straightens my bushy “paddle pop lion” hair in no more than 10 minutes. I am so impressed that I can finally wear my hair down!!! I wish I knew how good these things were earlier!
Well my half marathon is only 2 days away now!!!! I have been nearly “spot on” this week with my food and I have clocked up 38kms of running. Now I have 2 days of complete rest before Sunday. J and I are staying in a hotel at North Sydney on Saturday night so we don’t have to get up at 3am to get to the run (we live on the other side of Sydney) and also so I can have a lovely sleep in a king-size bed without the dogs. My Mum is minding them again. Last week I was feeling sick with a bad cold and I also had a very sore back but I am happy to report that I am all better and ready to “attack” this half marathon. Although I am not sure you can call a pace of 7min kilometres an “attack”?? I feel a little nervous but I know I can do the distance and I will make sure I have nurofen before the run to combat any migraines that may arise. I am actually looking forward to running over the harbour bridge….It should be cool! I bought some fantastic new Asics running tights last weekend and I am just loving them!! They do not move at all and are so comfortable.
So the plan until Sunday is to get plenty of rest, do no exercise and have a bit of a “carb load” on Saturday. Not that I really believe you need it for a half marathon but any excuse will do! I am such a carb addict!!!!
Take care and enjoy the weekend
Miss Pinky
Then I had my McDonald’s party on the Friday night with my family. I will post some pics when I work out how to do it!! It was nice and casual and my sister had bought the most amazing ice-cream cake I have ever had!!! It was from Wendy’s and was Cookies and Cream flavour, with scoops of all different flavours on top and the whole cake had big rectangles of chocolate around it….YUMMO!!!!
I got some good pressies too. The best present is the most amazing hair straightener from my sister. It is one of those ionic straighteners which cost about $300. I think the brand is “Kodo” or something like that and it is FANTASTIC!!! In about 15 seconds it heats up to 210 degrees and perfectly straightens my bushy “paddle pop lion” hair in no more than 10 minutes. I am so impressed that I can finally wear my hair down!!! I wish I knew how good these things were earlier!
Well my half marathon is only 2 days away now!!!! I have been nearly “spot on” this week with my food and I have clocked up 38kms of running. Now I have 2 days of complete rest before Sunday. J and I are staying in a hotel at North Sydney on Saturday night so we don’t have to get up at 3am to get to the run (we live on the other side of Sydney) and also so I can have a lovely sleep in a king-size bed without the dogs. My Mum is minding them again. Last week I was feeling sick with a bad cold and I also had a very sore back but I am happy to report that I am all better and ready to “attack” this half marathon. Although I am not sure you can call a pace of 7min kilometres an “attack”?? I feel a little nervous but I know I can do the distance and I will make sure I have nurofen before the run to combat any migraines that may arise. I am actually looking forward to running over the harbour bridge….It should be cool! I bought some fantastic new Asics running tights last weekend and I am just loving them!! They do not move at all and are so comfortable.
So the plan until Sunday is to get plenty of rest, do no exercise and have a bit of a “carb load” on Saturday. Not that I really believe you need it for a half marathon but any excuse will do! I am such a carb addict!!!!
Take care and enjoy the weekend
Miss Pinky
Thursday 13 September 2007
Saying "Goodbye" to my Twenties
It is my 30th birthday tomorrow so today is the last day of my “twenties”. I clearly remember turning 20 and thinking so many major milestones would happen during that decade. I thought I would get married, have kids, buy a house. It was actually a very stressful time for me, signalling the end of my youth….or so I thought! The only thing I managed to do in my 20’s was to get married….and separated soon after! I don’t feel I have achieved very much in the last ten years. I wonder what the next 10 will hold for me?? I guess it is up to me to make things happen. I am the only one who has the power to map out my own destiny.
Last night J told me to “pack an overnight bag”. He won’t tell me where we are going but obviously I am off somewhere for the night. He is picking me up after work and we leave straight away. That is so thoughtful of him! I knew something was “up” but I actually thought that perhaps he was having a big surprise party for me, which I was dreading!!! I hope we are staying in a hotel tonight as I would love to relax! I guess we are, as where else would we be staying? The dogs have gone to my Mum’s….he organised this all without me knowing.
It is his birthday in a few weeks. I know what present I am getting him, which I know he will love (I won’t write it just in case he reads this) but now I am trying to think of something exciting to do. I will never be able to beat what he has done as I can’t afford a night away, as well as his present.
Unfortunately I have not been feeling the best for the last few days…..a yucky head cold. Also, I went to the Gym on Monday night and did this really hard class with lots of situps and pushups and I have been aching all over ever since. I have really hurt my back and I am so worried about how this will affect my half marathon next Sunday! I have gone back to bad eating and no exercise too, so I am totally and completely unfit. I just hope I can finish.
My sister was fired from her job yesterday. Sounds like her Boss is a horrible weak ar**hole who did not even give her a warning or anything. He just called her in at the start of the day and said “It’s not really working out….You aren’t doing all the filing”. She is only 19 and has only ever worked for 7 months of her whole life. She is not the sharpest tool in the shed but she is very sweet. He told her she could either resign or he would fire her, so she resigned. She said she did not cry until she got in her car, which is so strong of her!
I feel really sorry for her as her work was having a dinner tomorrow night and she was really looking forward to it…..It was her first ever work function. He could have told her she could still go to that….but he didn’t. I sent her a bouquet of balloons yesterday to try and cheer her up. I think she should try something like hairdressing, which is predominantly a manual skill job. I think she would do well at something like this, as she likes fashion/hairstyles, etc and is great at talking to strangers. Fingers crossed that she finds something soon!
Leah…..if you read this…..I am very proud of you. I don’t often tell you this but I do love you and would protect you no matter what the circumstances were. You are such a sweet and silly girl, with a heart of gold. The way you got over your past “issues” shows how courageous and strong you are. Stop feeling the need to follow the paths of others and find your own way in this world. I have faith that you will one day find exactly where you fit in and be happy with yourself. Just know that no matter what happens, I will always be waiting to “help you pick up the pieces”. I know you don’t tell me everything that goes on with you but know that I want to hear all of this. You can call me for help at any time of the day or night and I will come. I see a lot of me in you and have probably been through most of the stuff you are going through. You are a little champion Leah and don’t ever underestimate what you can achieve!! :-)
Well I better go and finish up my work before I am picked up for my weekend away….YAY!!!!!
Take Care
Miss Pinky
Last night J told me to “pack an overnight bag”. He won’t tell me where we are going but obviously I am off somewhere for the night. He is picking me up after work and we leave straight away. That is so thoughtful of him! I knew something was “up” but I actually thought that perhaps he was having a big surprise party for me, which I was dreading!!! I hope we are staying in a hotel tonight as I would love to relax! I guess we are, as where else would we be staying? The dogs have gone to my Mum’s….he organised this all without me knowing.
It is his birthday in a few weeks. I know what present I am getting him, which I know he will love (I won’t write it just in case he reads this) but now I am trying to think of something exciting to do. I will never be able to beat what he has done as I can’t afford a night away, as well as his present.
Unfortunately I have not been feeling the best for the last few days…..a yucky head cold. Also, I went to the Gym on Monday night and did this really hard class with lots of situps and pushups and I have been aching all over ever since. I have really hurt my back and I am so worried about how this will affect my half marathon next Sunday! I have gone back to bad eating and no exercise too, so I am totally and completely unfit. I just hope I can finish.
My sister was fired from her job yesterday. Sounds like her Boss is a horrible weak ar**hole who did not even give her a warning or anything. He just called her in at the start of the day and said “It’s not really working out….You aren’t doing all the filing”. She is only 19 and has only ever worked for 7 months of her whole life. She is not the sharpest tool in the shed but she is very sweet. He told her she could either resign or he would fire her, so she resigned. She said she did not cry until she got in her car, which is so strong of her!
I feel really sorry for her as her work was having a dinner tomorrow night and she was really looking forward to it…..It was her first ever work function. He could have told her she could still go to that….but he didn’t. I sent her a bouquet of balloons yesterday to try and cheer her up. I think she should try something like hairdressing, which is predominantly a manual skill job. I think she would do well at something like this, as she likes fashion/hairstyles, etc and is great at talking to strangers. Fingers crossed that she finds something soon!
Leah…..if you read this…..I am very proud of you. I don’t often tell you this but I do love you and would protect you no matter what the circumstances were. You are such a sweet and silly girl, with a heart of gold. The way you got over your past “issues” shows how courageous and strong you are. Stop feeling the need to follow the paths of others and find your own way in this world. I have faith that you will one day find exactly where you fit in and be happy with yourself. Just know that no matter what happens, I will always be waiting to “help you pick up the pieces”. I know you don’t tell me everything that goes on with you but know that I want to hear all of this. You can call me for help at any time of the day or night and I will come. I see a lot of me in you and have probably been through most of the stuff you are going through. You are a little champion Leah and don’t ever underestimate what you can achieve!! :-)
Well I better go and finish up my work before I am picked up for my weekend away….YAY!!!!!
Take Care
Miss Pinky
Friday 7 September 2007
Horrible, horrible day
It is a rainy crappy day in Sydney and, although it is the APEC holiday, I am at work. I chose to work today as I am having my 30th birthday off next Friday instead. I do plan on leaving an hour earlier today though as it is very quiet here.
I have been rather bad the last 2 days with my food and exercise....a bit of chocolate and other things I shouldn't be eating and I am not running today....even though I am meant to be. I am in another "I don't care stage", which I am all too familiar with! It just all seems a bit too difficult for me at times.
I think the main reason for going off the rails is that I am having a bit of a sad time emotionally at the moment. Just some not-so-happy stuff going on personally but I shall work through it....one chocolate bar at a time....ha ha ha!!! Very unfortunately, I am not only a bored eater but also an emotional eater so times like this are fraught with danger for me.
The half marathon is only 2 weeks away and I will run like an overweight corgi on three legs....as usual! My back is still sore after my long run last Sunday and I just hope and pray it gets better by the HM or I will be in absolute agony!!
A very funny thing happened the other day....I checked the mail when I arrived home from work and there was a small padded parcel bag in there. I thought "It must be a little birthday present from someone". I opened it up and it was actually a bronze medal from the Bankstown Half Marathon I did a few weeks ago. I had come third in my age group.....although there were only 3 girls in my age group.....ha ha ha!!!!!! The only medal I have ever received in my life was for coming 1st in my form for Maths in year 12 so I feel very proud to have a medal for running, even though I really came last!
I bought some new runners last weekend. I have decided the $180 Nikes that have only been worn twice will never be getting near my feet again....what a big waste of money!!! They are just so uncomfortable I can't stand it! I bought a pair of my "tried and true" Asics Gels, which is the only runner I have ever worn besides my Nike mistake!!! I went for an 18k run on Sunday in them with no pain at all. I also bought myself a fuel belt so I could run long training runs and a running cap. I am not used to the fuel belt yet but it certainly felt much better after I had drunk all the fluids and it was empty!!! I won't use this for the HM as there are drink stations every km and I don't need anything extra to annoy me as it will be hard enough!
I am not sure what I am doing this weekend?? I should really be doing some running but that will all depend on my mood. Maybe I will just have to make myself do 2 short runs so all my training the last few weeks does not go to waste. I know that technically I should be tapering but, trust me, my life is a taper! I hope I can lift myself out of this dark head space I am in and have some fun this weekend.....But I am really not sure what will happen....
Till next time....
Miss Pinky
I have been rather bad the last 2 days with my food and exercise....a bit of chocolate and other things I shouldn't be eating and I am not running today....even though I am meant to be. I am in another "I don't care stage", which I am all too familiar with! It just all seems a bit too difficult for me at times.
I think the main reason for going off the rails is that I am having a bit of a sad time emotionally at the moment. Just some not-so-happy stuff going on personally but I shall work through it....one chocolate bar at a time....ha ha ha!!! Very unfortunately, I am not only a bored eater but also an emotional eater so times like this are fraught with danger for me.
The half marathon is only 2 weeks away and I will run like an overweight corgi on three legs....as usual! My back is still sore after my long run last Sunday and I just hope and pray it gets better by the HM or I will be in absolute agony!!
A very funny thing happened the other day....I checked the mail when I arrived home from work and there was a small padded parcel bag in there. I thought "It must be a little birthday present from someone". I opened it up and it was actually a bronze medal from the Bankstown Half Marathon I did a few weeks ago. I had come third in my age group.....although there were only 3 girls in my age group.....ha ha ha!!!!!! The only medal I have ever received in my life was for coming 1st in my form for Maths in year 12 so I feel very proud to have a medal for running, even though I really came last!
I bought some new runners last weekend. I have decided the $180 Nikes that have only been worn twice will never be getting near my feet again....what a big waste of money!!! They are just so uncomfortable I can't stand it! I bought a pair of my "tried and true" Asics Gels, which is the only runner I have ever worn besides my Nike mistake!!! I went for an 18k run on Sunday in them with no pain at all. I also bought myself a fuel belt so I could run long training runs and a running cap. I am not used to the fuel belt yet but it certainly felt much better after I had drunk all the fluids and it was empty!!! I won't use this for the HM as there are drink stations every km and I don't need anything extra to annoy me as it will be hard enough!
I am not sure what I am doing this weekend?? I should really be doing some running but that will all depend on my mood. Maybe I will just have to make myself do 2 short runs so all my training the last few weeks does not go to waste. I know that technically I should be tapering but, trust me, my life is a taper! I hope I can lift myself out of this dark head space I am in and have some fun this weekend.....But I am really not sure what will happen....
Till next time....
Miss Pinky
Tuesday 28 August 2007
Perhaps I am finally on track???
(Me at first Half)
Today is the second day of my “healthy living” plan. At the end of last week I had a good look at myself in the mirror and I was pretty disgusted with my reflection. How could I have let all my hard work go to waste? My stomach is enormous and I just feel so horrible! I tried on a dress on the weekend that I wore all last summer and I could hardly zip it up. When I did manage to get the zip done up, I had a crease in my back from where the fat was overlapping….yuck! I cannot go out and buy new clothes so I need to get some weight off…Simple! The last few weeks I have had no energy at all from all the junk food and the minimal exercise I have been doing so I need to make this change. I want to look in the mirror without feeling absolutely grossed out and I want to be fit again.
Since yesterday I have been eating healthily (no chocolate which is amazing) and I have been for a run both mornings before work. I am already feeling better and a little bit less disgusted at myself. My plan is to exercise 5 days a week (4 runs and one spin class) and try to lose 4kgs by the half marathon, which is 4 weeks away. I will feel so much better running with a little less weight. If I do reach my goal, I will buy a new running outfit for the half marathon as my reward. All in all, I need to lose 8kgs but 4kgs will make me feel much better too!
As much as I hate getting up at 5am to go running, I actually enjoy being out at that time because it is very quiet and I enjoy seeing the sun starting to rise just before I finish. I have only been running 8kms each day and it has actually been pretty hard. How on earth I will run the HM I do not know!!?? On Sunday I am heading to the national park with J to attend a HM training course that they run there. It is an 18km track. I am dreading it because I hate the lower back pain of the last few kms. 18kms will not be as bad as 21kms though….so I should only be in real pain for about 2kms.
I almost forgot to provide an update on the Bankstown Half Marathon……It was so horrible!!!! It was absolutely pouring rain the day of the race but we went along anyway. I was as nervous as anything but started out running at a pretty good pace (6min kms) for the first 7kms. Then….a bad migraine set in. I could not believe my bad luck!!! My vision was so bad that I could hardly see the race marshalls who were directing people which way to go. As such, I went the wrong way for about half a km and had to turn around and find the “right way”. Somehow, I struggled through each kilometre telling myself “Just one more and you can finish”. I ran the whole 21kms. I was so sore….my lower back felt like it was about to snap off from the pain, even though I had applied deep heat at about the 16km mark. I finished in 2 hours 28 mins, which I was happy with. J did 1 hour 47 mins….legend!!! After the run, we basically headed straight home as I felt very sick from my untreated migraine. I threw up out the car window three times on the way home and spent all day and night in bed. For the Blackmores half I will be having nurofen before the run just in case and I will also take some with me. I hate migraines!!!!! A pic of me running the half is at the top of this post. This is a pre-migraine photo.
Work is still good but a little quiet at the moment. There is at least 3 hours each day where I really have nothing to do and I am just struggling to waste time. J and I bought a scooter on the weekend and he is going for his licence on the 18th Sep so after this he will ride himself to and from work. This will give me an extra 3 hours of free time per day so will make my life much more enjoyable. This will mean I will have more time for exercise or walking the dogs or simply to do housework at a reasonable hour. The scooter is so cute…..bright red. It will be so much fun going to the beach on it in Summer.
It is my birthday in 2 and a half weeks…..The big “3-0”!!!! I am actually having a McDonalds party for it as I thought this was the best option for dinner due to the fact that my nieces and nephew are young and don’t eat foods that I like (Thai, etc). I love Maccas anyway so it’s not like I won’t enjoy it. This will be a very naughty meal for me. I will be very good apart from that day to balance things out. I also have the day off work for my birthday and I have a feeling J has organised something special. I am thinking Hot Air Ballooning as he mentioned something about this the other day…..or a night in a hotel. I hope it’s a night in a hotel because I would love to have some relaxing time. Oh well, not long to wait to find out! I can’t wait to get presents….I love presents!!!!!
Well I am off now to “look busy” for a few hours….
Ciao
Miss Pinky
Since yesterday I have been eating healthily (no chocolate which is amazing) and I have been for a run both mornings before work. I am already feeling better and a little bit less disgusted at myself. My plan is to exercise 5 days a week (4 runs and one spin class) and try to lose 4kgs by the half marathon, which is 4 weeks away. I will feel so much better running with a little less weight. If I do reach my goal, I will buy a new running outfit for the half marathon as my reward. All in all, I need to lose 8kgs but 4kgs will make me feel much better too!
As much as I hate getting up at 5am to go running, I actually enjoy being out at that time because it is very quiet and I enjoy seeing the sun starting to rise just before I finish. I have only been running 8kms each day and it has actually been pretty hard. How on earth I will run the HM I do not know!!?? On Sunday I am heading to the national park with J to attend a HM training course that they run there. It is an 18km track. I am dreading it because I hate the lower back pain of the last few kms. 18kms will not be as bad as 21kms though….so I should only be in real pain for about 2kms.
I almost forgot to provide an update on the Bankstown Half Marathon……It was so horrible!!!! It was absolutely pouring rain the day of the race but we went along anyway. I was as nervous as anything but started out running at a pretty good pace (6min kms) for the first 7kms. Then….a bad migraine set in. I could not believe my bad luck!!! My vision was so bad that I could hardly see the race marshalls who were directing people which way to go. As such, I went the wrong way for about half a km and had to turn around and find the “right way”. Somehow, I struggled through each kilometre telling myself “Just one more and you can finish”. I ran the whole 21kms. I was so sore….my lower back felt like it was about to snap off from the pain, even though I had applied deep heat at about the 16km mark. I finished in 2 hours 28 mins, which I was happy with. J did 1 hour 47 mins….legend!!! After the run, we basically headed straight home as I felt very sick from my untreated migraine. I threw up out the car window three times on the way home and spent all day and night in bed. For the Blackmores half I will be having nurofen before the run just in case and I will also take some with me. I hate migraines!!!!! A pic of me running the half is at the top of this post. This is a pre-migraine photo.
Work is still good but a little quiet at the moment. There is at least 3 hours each day where I really have nothing to do and I am just struggling to waste time. J and I bought a scooter on the weekend and he is going for his licence on the 18th Sep so after this he will ride himself to and from work. This will give me an extra 3 hours of free time per day so will make my life much more enjoyable. This will mean I will have more time for exercise or walking the dogs or simply to do housework at a reasonable hour. The scooter is so cute…..bright red. It will be so much fun going to the beach on it in Summer.
It is my birthday in 2 and a half weeks…..The big “3-0”!!!! I am actually having a McDonalds party for it as I thought this was the best option for dinner due to the fact that my nieces and nephew are young and don’t eat foods that I like (Thai, etc). I love Maccas anyway so it’s not like I won’t enjoy it. This will be a very naughty meal for me. I will be very good apart from that day to balance things out. I also have the day off work for my birthday and I have a feeling J has organised something special. I am thinking Hot Air Ballooning as he mentioned something about this the other day…..or a night in a hotel. I hope it’s a night in a hotel because I would love to have some relaxing time. Oh well, not long to wait to find out! I can’t wait to get presents….I love presents!!!!!
Well I am off now to “look busy” for a few hours….
Ciao
Miss Pinky
Tuesday 14 August 2007
Long Time No Post!
It has been a while, hasn't it?! The reason for the long break in between posts is that my new job is very full-on. I am enjoying it but it is a busy role and the days just fly by....A good thing I guess! I have been there a couple of weeks now and I feel as though I am picking up things pretty quickly.
Running has been virtually non-existent as I have been one lazy hippo.....although I have decided to run in the Bankstown Half Marathon this Sunday. I was due to do a long run anyway so this way I will be forced into it! I will be struggling from a severe lack of preparation and fitness but I am just going to look at it as a practice run for the Blackmores Half.
I didn't run in the City to Surf last Sunday but I did go down there to cheer J on, who did it. I have NEVER seen so many people in one spot! It was so packed that it scared me! J said it was heaps of fun.....people cheering everywhere and giving out lollies, etc along the way. J finished in about 70 mins, which he was happy with. At least he can get in the first pack next year with this time. The runners looked awesome....especially the ones who came in first. Those girls have the best bodies I have ever seen! Unbelievable! I don't think I will ever run in this as the volume of runners would really put me off. Good on all those who did it though! ;-)
J and I are off to Melbourne next weekend for 2 nights. J's best friend is moving OS so we are going to farewell him. As I can't get any time off from work we can only go from Friday night until Sunday but that's OK. It will be plenty of time to eat cakes and biscuits...ha ha ha!!!! I bet it will be freezing so I will be sure to pack for the occasion. I don't really like Melbourne but I love staying in hotels and having some time away from household jobs, etc.
I had a hideous night last night....Jack started throwing up at 4am and threw up about 5 times before it was my real "wake up time". Poor boy! I don't know why he always gets sick?? He has had a blood test and they come up showing he is healthy but there always seems to be something wrong with him. He seems OK now though and is at least drinking water. If he is sick again, I will take him to the Vet. He is off to the Vet on Thursday night anyway as his wound from the operation has a massive lump under it. I will be so upset if they have to operate again. Max is going strong as usual....He is tough as nails....A bit too tough at times!
Well I am off....
Miss Pinky
Running has been virtually non-existent as I have been one lazy hippo.....although I have decided to run in the Bankstown Half Marathon this Sunday. I was due to do a long run anyway so this way I will be forced into it! I will be struggling from a severe lack of preparation and fitness but I am just going to look at it as a practice run for the Blackmores Half.
I didn't run in the City to Surf last Sunday but I did go down there to cheer J on, who did it. I have NEVER seen so many people in one spot! It was so packed that it scared me! J said it was heaps of fun.....people cheering everywhere and giving out lollies, etc along the way. J finished in about 70 mins, which he was happy with. At least he can get in the first pack next year with this time. The runners looked awesome....especially the ones who came in first. Those girls have the best bodies I have ever seen! Unbelievable! I don't think I will ever run in this as the volume of runners would really put me off. Good on all those who did it though! ;-)
J and I are off to Melbourne next weekend for 2 nights. J's best friend is moving OS so we are going to farewell him. As I can't get any time off from work we can only go from Friday night until Sunday but that's OK. It will be plenty of time to eat cakes and biscuits...ha ha ha!!!! I bet it will be freezing so I will be sure to pack for the occasion. I don't really like Melbourne but I love staying in hotels and having some time away from household jobs, etc.
I had a hideous night last night....Jack started throwing up at 4am and threw up about 5 times before it was my real "wake up time". Poor boy! I don't know why he always gets sick?? He has had a blood test and they come up showing he is healthy but there always seems to be something wrong with him. He seems OK now though and is at least drinking water. If he is sick again, I will take him to the Vet. He is off to the Vet on Thursday night anyway as his wound from the operation has a massive lump under it. I will be so upset if they have to operate again. Max is going strong as usual....He is tough as nails....A bit too tough at times!
Well I am off....
Miss Pinky
Monday 6 August 2007
On The "Up"
I started my new job on Thursday. I really like it....It seems very similar to my old job which I loved. It comes with great benefits too....including the fact that I have today off for the "bank holiday" even though I do not work for a bank! The peple seem nice too....although I am the youngest person in my team. It is so close to where I live (15mins drive) which is great! Although at the moment I still have to drive into the City each day to drop off and pick up J. This will change when we buy a scooter in a few weeks and then I will be home most days by 4.15pm....Excellent!!!
I went for a run last night....about 13kms. This was my first run since last Sunday!!! I have been terribly unmotivated lately. Now that the weather is getting a bit warmer I won't be so slack. I am still planning on doing the half in Sept.....at least at this stage. About 7 weeks to go until it's on I think.
J and I had a very quiet weekend but it was nice. We just took the dogs to a couple of dog parks and spent the rest of the time relaxing at home. On Saturday morning we had a breakfast BBQ which was awesome! Much more exciting than cereal or toast!
I don't have much to say so I shall sign off for now....
Mis Pinky
I went for a run last night....about 13kms. This was my first run since last Sunday!!! I have been terribly unmotivated lately. Now that the weather is getting a bit warmer I won't be so slack. I am still planning on doing the half in Sept.....at least at this stage. About 7 weeks to go until it's on I think.
J and I had a very quiet weekend but it was nice. We just took the dogs to a couple of dog parks and spent the rest of the time relaxing at home. On Saturday morning we had a breakfast BBQ which was awesome! Much more exciting than cereal or toast!
I don't have much to say so I shall sign off for now....
Mis Pinky
Wednesday 1 August 2007
Groundhog Day....
I swear my life is "Groundhog Day"....It just feels as though I re-live the same day over and over again. I am not even working at the moment and I still feel that I have no time to myself to do what I want to do. I am so sick of washing, cleaning, doing dishes, etc. It seems this is all I ever do. I need to do something to change my life and make it more "fun" but I have known this for a long time and I still haven't managed to change anything.
For the second time this year I have decided to withdraw from my Uni course. I have no time for myself now, without adding this to the mix. I didn't even start it or even buy the textbooks so I guess I must not have been that serious about it in the first place!
I start my new job tomorrow. I am feeling really nervous about this....I hate starting new jobs! I think I am really nervous because I have not seen where I will be working. I had my interview in their city office instead. I hope it all goes OK and the people are nice. For the next few weeks, I have to drive 40mins to the City each morning to drop off J and then back 40mins to my work and do the same thing after work. This is until we get a scooter sorted out for J to ride to work. What a hassle!!!
My weight is enormous at the moment, which is making me upset. All the new pants I bought for my new job feel tight and I look like a pygmy hippopotamus in them. They will probably split in half tomorrow...ha ha ha!!!! Because I feel upset, I eat and eat and eat....vicious cycle! I am seriously considering joining Jenny Craig for a while....Before I explode! I have put on about 7kgs since winter started....How grose! Haven't run since Sunday.....Made excuses for the first few days and today I have been feeling really dizzy and light-headed so I gave it a miss. Any excuse will do really.....when you are looking for one!
I got a massive electricity bill yesterday....$758 for the quarter!!! Usually the winter bill is around $250, so I am stressing out about it. I have 3 heaters in my house and a reverse cycle air-con and they have all been working full-time lately due to the cold snap we had. I have also been leaving the air-con on when I go to work because I don't want the dogs to feel the cold. Now, I am very close to living off candles as I can't believe how much this bill is!!!! I wish I could move to a warmer place....or even a smaller house as it may hold the warmth better.
On top of this, Jack had to go to the Vet today and he has a respiratory tract infection. He now has antibiotics and cough syrup. I must say it's great fun trying to syringe cough syrup into a Jack Russell's mouth! I think myself and the wall got more of it than him! Why is this dog always sick??? I feel so sorry for him. He is really sad, the gorgeous boy. At least it's not anything serious.
All in all, a pretty shitty time for me. I am feeling rather down and need something to cheer me up and QUICK! Pity I don't drink alcohol......ha ha ha!!!! Sorry for this "sad" post! I am sure I will be happy again soon....
Miss Pinky
For the second time this year I have decided to withdraw from my Uni course. I have no time for myself now, without adding this to the mix. I didn't even start it or even buy the textbooks so I guess I must not have been that serious about it in the first place!
I start my new job tomorrow. I am feeling really nervous about this....I hate starting new jobs! I think I am really nervous because I have not seen where I will be working. I had my interview in their city office instead. I hope it all goes OK and the people are nice. For the next few weeks, I have to drive 40mins to the City each morning to drop off J and then back 40mins to my work and do the same thing after work. This is until we get a scooter sorted out for J to ride to work. What a hassle!!!
My weight is enormous at the moment, which is making me upset. All the new pants I bought for my new job feel tight and I look like a pygmy hippopotamus in them. They will probably split in half tomorrow...ha ha ha!!!! Because I feel upset, I eat and eat and eat....vicious cycle! I am seriously considering joining Jenny Craig for a while....Before I explode! I have put on about 7kgs since winter started....How grose! Haven't run since Sunday.....Made excuses for the first few days and today I have been feeling really dizzy and light-headed so I gave it a miss. Any excuse will do really.....when you are looking for one!
I got a massive electricity bill yesterday....$758 for the quarter!!! Usually the winter bill is around $250, so I am stressing out about it. I have 3 heaters in my house and a reverse cycle air-con and they have all been working full-time lately due to the cold snap we had. I have also been leaving the air-con on when I go to work because I don't want the dogs to feel the cold. Now, I am very close to living off candles as I can't believe how much this bill is!!!! I wish I could move to a warmer place....or even a smaller house as it may hold the warmth better.
On top of this, Jack had to go to the Vet today and he has a respiratory tract infection. He now has antibiotics and cough syrup. I must say it's great fun trying to syringe cough syrup into a Jack Russell's mouth! I think myself and the wall got more of it than him! Why is this dog always sick??? I feel so sorry for him. He is really sad, the gorgeous boy. At least it's not anything serious.
All in all, a pretty shitty time for me. I am feeling rather down and need something to cheer me up and QUICK! Pity I don't drink alcohol......ha ha ha!!!! Sorry for this "sad" post! I am sure I will be happy again soon....
Miss Pinky
Sunday 29 July 2007
I think I should change my surname to Monaghetti??
All this talk about Cadell Evans and the Tour de France.....They should all be talking about me and my big run I say!!!!
Ha ha ha!!!! AS IF!!!! (Just quietly I do feel rather proud though.....of both Cadell Evans and myself)
Went for my 21km run....Finished in 2.5 hours. This makes me realise my run the other day was shorter than 20kms. This one felt pretty good until around 16-17kms when my lower back pain kicked in. I had to keep stopping and touching my toes to ease the pain. I also had to make a quick dash into my house at about the 20km mark for some juice as I felt like I may have dropped dead otherwise....I was totally "spent"!! The juice gave me the extra energy needed for the last km.
I am now convinced we were not meant to run this far. How on earth do people do the marathon??? I find after about 2 hours I am so mentally "bored" and I can't even come up with things to think of or focus on. As sad as it is, I often use my running time to think up new outfits to wear. What a tool!!!! I just find it a good way to take the focus off the run.
On a "non-running" note, I took my dogs to the park this morning and, once again, Max bit all the big dogs and had to be moved to an area all by himself. I don't know what is wrong with him?? He has gotten increasingly aggressive ever since we got him over a year ago. He has also started to "snarl" at young children so I now can't have him anywhere near them. God help me if I ever have a child!! Jack played nicely as usual but kept jumping up on all the people's laps and annoying them. He is such a friendly dog but sometimes too friendly for some!!! I wish I could have two lovely, well-behaved dogs that listened to everything I said. I guess it is my fault for spoiling them rotten!
I have 3 more days left of "non-work" before starting my new job. I just LOVE being at home and doing whatever I want. I wish I was rich and did not have to work! Woe is me!!!
I am still trying to decide where to go away to at the end of the year. I would love to go back to Thailand but I should probably try something new and venture to Vietnam. I love holidays!!! Asia is so cool!!! I love the warmth, the shopping, the food and the relaxation I can indulge in....Heaven!
I shall sign off now and get back to my beloved TV.
I am so excited that Zach and Aleisha are the last 2 housemates in the Big Brother House....GO ZACH!!!!
Miss Pinky
Ha ha ha!!!! AS IF!!!! (Just quietly I do feel rather proud though.....of both Cadell Evans and myself)
Went for my 21km run....Finished in 2.5 hours. This makes me realise my run the other day was shorter than 20kms. This one felt pretty good until around 16-17kms when my lower back pain kicked in. I had to keep stopping and touching my toes to ease the pain. I also had to make a quick dash into my house at about the 20km mark for some juice as I felt like I may have dropped dead otherwise....I was totally "spent"!! The juice gave me the extra energy needed for the last km.
I am now convinced we were not meant to run this far. How on earth do people do the marathon??? I find after about 2 hours I am so mentally "bored" and I can't even come up with things to think of or focus on. As sad as it is, I often use my running time to think up new outfits to wear. What a tool!!!! I just find it a good way to take the focus off the run.
On a "non-running" note, I took my dogs to the park this morning and, once again, Max bit all the big dogs and had to be moved to an area all by himself. I don't know what is wrong with him?? He has gotten increasingly aggressive ever since we got him over a year ago. He has also started to "snarl" at young children so I now can't have him anywhere near them. God help me if I ever have a child!! Jack played nicely as usual but kept jumping up on all the people's laps and annoying them. He is such a friendly dog but sometimes too friendly for some!!! I wish I could have two lovely, well-behaved dogs that listened to everything I said. I guess it is my fault for spoiling them rotten!
I have 3 more days left of "non-work" before starting my new job. I just LOVE being at home and doing whatever I want. I wish I was rich and did not have to work! Woe is me!!!
I am still trying to decide where to go away to at the end of the year. I would love to go back to Thailand but I should probably try something new and venture to Vietnam. I love holidays!!! Asia is so cool!!! I love the warmth, the shopping, the food and the relaxation I can indulge in....Heaven!
I shall sign off now and get back to my beloved TV.
I am so excited that Zach and Aleisha are the last 2 housemates in the Big Brother House....GO ZACH!!!!
Miss Pinky
Have I Gone Crazy???
I really hope this did actually happen and I did not actually dream it.....I guess it must have happened as I have the "scars" to prove it. On Thursday night set out for my usual 8km run. For once in my life, I actually felt that I was doing it easy, so I decided to try for 20kms....Yes that's right....20kms!!!! The best bit is that I actually did it!!!!!! I felt OK until around the 17km mark when my lower back started to really hurt. It was about this stage that I had to conquer some small hills at Woolooware (southern suburb of Sydney....near Cronulla) so this may have had something to do with it. When I returned home I collapsed on the front stairs of my house and I could barely even move. The thing is that I had not planned on doing this long run and, as such, I had only had about 300mls of water in the whole day and had no water during the run.....Silly girl!!!! Anyway, I have all these welty things where my singlet and tights rubbed so I feel they are my "war scars"....ha ha ha!!!!
I still can't believe I actually did it!!! It took me 2 hours and 10 minutes which is very crappy but at least I finished. So, today I am out to do it again. This time it is planned so I will place some water around the course for me to drink and I will also make sure I have a shirt on with sleeves so I don't add to the already very sore friction burns under my arms.
Why am I now running so much further than before??? I have decided to run in the Blackmores half marathon in September. I think finishing this would make me very proud of myself. I will feel rather embarrassed running with all those serious athletes but I don't think I will come last....Although I will be very close!!! :-)
I have also joined up as a member of the Cool Running website www.coolrunning.com.au to get some extra motivation and support. I also want to buy one of their tops to wear on the day so I can get some "cheers" along the way....hopefully! They have heaps of great info on this website, which I find really useful.
J & I had a nice anniversary last Wednesday. We went out for dinner and he gave me a pink IPod shuffle (so cute) and a gorgeous Guess handbag. I felt very spoilt! The shuffle is great....I just clip it onto my singlet when I go running and I can't even feel that it is there.
Well I am going to go and take my dogs out before I go for my big run, as I won't be able to move afterwards!!!!
Enjoy your Sunday
Miss Pinky
I still can't believe I actually did it!!! It took me 2 hours and 10 minutes which is very crappy but at least I finished. So, today I am out to do it again. This time it is planned so I will place some water around the course for me to drink and I will also make sure I have a shirt on with sleeves so I don't add to the already very sore friction burns under my arms.
Why am I now running so much further than before??? I have decided to run in the Blackmores half marathon in September. I think finishing this would make me very proud of myself. I will feel rather embarrassed running with all those serious athletes but I don't think I will come last....Although I will be very close!!! :-)
I have also joined up as a member of the Cool Running website www.coolrunning.com.au to get some extra motivation and support. I also want to buy one of their tops to wear on the day so I can get some "cheers" along the way....hopefully! They have heaps of great info on this website, which I find really useful.
J & I had a nice anniversary last Wednesday. We went out for dinner and he gave me a pink IPod shuffle (so cute) and a gorgeous Guess handbag. I felt very spoilt! The shuffle is great....I just clip it onto my singlet when I go running and I can't even feel that it is there.
Well I am going to go and take my dogs out before I go for my big run, as I won't be able to move afterwards!!!!
Enjoy your Sunday
Miss Pinky
Tuesday 24 July 2007
I am still here....
I have not posted for a few days and so much has changed!!! I ended up walking out of my horrible job at lunch time on Friday. The reason?? The old man who was supposedly "retiring" from the position that I took came back from his holidays and completely took over everything. I had already resigned and was due to finish up tomorrow anyway but he made me feel so uncomfortable that I couldn't stick around. There is one desk in my area and one computer....He completely took them over. I came in on Friday and he is sitting at my chair at my desk on my computer with his personal phone numbers, etc on my pin board. How rude!!! I was going in a few days anyway....Couldn't he have waited??!!! So they all went out to this corporate lunch on Friday and I thought "stuff this", emailed my Boss who is really nice to explain why I would not be back and left. Funny thing is that nobody from there even called me or anything....Goes to show how unprofessional they are!!! I am so glad to be away from it all!
So, I got the job that I really wanted which I am very happy about!!! It pays well, is for a great company and the role sounds great too. I am just waiting on a start date from them but it should be late this week or early next week. For the moment, I am enjoying bludging at home and doing not much at all!
I did my 11km fun run on Sunday. I was a little disappointed as I finished in 68mins and I was hoping for 66mins or better but I should be happy that I ran the whole way without stopping. My new shoes are still crap....Giving me plenty of grief. I don't know whether to persevere or go back to my old Asics?? My lead up to the run was much less than perfect....I did no exercise at all from Tuesday until the race on Sunday AND I ate for a small community all week!! I actually was not sure if I was going to run at all until the day. At least I did it. I am actually thinking of running the 9km Blackmores run in September....I will see how I feel and also how fat I am at this stage!! Ha ha ha!!!!
Well I am going to go and buy J a small Anniversary gift before I pick him up from work. I gave him his "real present" early....Some "skins" to use for the race last Sunday. They are certainly expensive tights but he said they do a great job. He loved them and that is the main thing!
See you later....
Miss Pinky
So, I got the job that I really wanted which I am very happy about!!! It pays well, is for a great company and the role sounds great too. I am just waiting on a start date from them but it should be late this week or early next week. For the moment, I am enjoying bludging at home and doing not much at all!
I did my 11km fun run on Sunday. I was a little disappointed as I finished in 68mins and I was hoping for 66mins or better but I should be happy that I ran the whole way without stopping. My new shoes are still crap....Giving me plenty of grief. I don't know whether to persevere or go back to my old Asics?? My lead up to the run was much less than perfect....I did no exercise at all from Tuesday until the race on Sunday AND I ate for a small community all week!! I actually was not sure if I was going to run at all until the day. At least I did it. I am actually thinking of running the 9km Blackmores run in September....I will see how I feel and also how fat I am at this stage!! Ha ha ha!!!!
Well I am going to go and buy J a small Anniversary gift before I pick him up from work. I gave him his "real present" early....Some "skins" to use for the race last Sunday. They are certainly expensive tights but he said they do a great job. He loved them and that is the main thing!
See you later....
Miss Pinky
Wednesday 18 July 2007
Dramas, dramas!
The job hunt has hit a rather familiar "snag"......I have been offered (and accepted) a Customer Service role with a supplier of infant linens. I am due to start with them on Monday. The issue is that I had an interview yesterday for a role that I am much more interested in and now I am unsure what I should do?? The same thing happened to me when I started working here. I was offered this role first but really wanted another one that I was going for at the same time. I was scared to decline the offer to work here in case I also did not get the other job and, well, here I am...In a job that I totally despise!!!
I have emailed the recruitment consultant for the job that I really want and explained the situation to him. If he comes back and tells me my interview went well, then I will take a gamble and "hang out" for that job. This will just mean letting the recruitment person from the other job know that I have had a "change of heart". If my interview yesterday did not go so well, I will be resigning from here today and finishing up tomorrow. This way I can have the Friday off before starting at the new place on Monday. I could always start at the new place and then leave if I get the other job but I would feel very uncomfortable and embarrassed doing that. Either way, I have 2 weeks left here of my "probation period", after which time I have to give 4 weeks notice, not one day...so I need to get out before then.
My food and exercise has been just terrible! I am back into the chocolates, biscuits and cakes and making excuses to not exercise. The bloody run is this Sunday!!! Can't I just keep it together for a few days?? I MUST run after work today, no matter how cold it is here and no matter how much I don't feel like doing it. If I look for excuses, I will find them. I feel better about myself when I eat well and exercise so why do I keep sabotaging my efforts, which just makes me feel bad?? I think I am "off the rails" because I feel stressed about what to do work-wise and feel nervous about resigning from here. I must stop making excuses to treat myself badly though! My health and well-being should be my number one priority. I feel very fat and sorry for myself today....I need to snap out of it!
I am also feeling pi**ed off because I really want to get my tax done so I can find out how much I am getting back but I am yet to receive one of my group certificates. My old work changed payroll company's mid-year and, as such, heaps of certificates have not been received. Once I know what I am getting back, I can work out if I am going to spend the money on a holiday at the end of the year or put it aside to go towards a house deposit. I just wish the damn thing would arrive!!! This way, I can have something positive to look forward to.
Wednesday is J and I's 2 year anniversary so that will be nice. I have thought of a few ideas of what to get him....some practical things and some not so practical things. I will go to the shops tomorrow at lunch to pick them up. Now I just need to think of something nice to do to celebrate the night....Going for dinner is just so ordinary!
Till next time
Miss Pinky
I have emailed the recruitment consultant for the job that I really want and explained the situation to him. If he comes back and tells me my interview went well, then I will take a gamble and "hang out" for that job. This will just mean letting the recruitment person from the other job know that I have had a "change of heart". If my interview yesterday did not go so well, I will be resigning from here today and finishing up tomorrow. This way I can have the Friday off before starting at the new place on Monday. I could always start at the new place and then leave if I get the other job but I would feel very uncomfortable and embarrassed doing that. Either way, I have 2 weeks left here of my "probation period", after which time I have to give 4 weeks notice, not one day...so I need to get out before then.
My food and exercise has been just terrible! I am back into the chocolates, biscuits and cakes and making excuses to not exercise. The bloody run is this Sunday!!! Can't I just keep it together for a few days?? I MUST run after work today, no matter how cold it is here and no matter how much I don't feel like doing it. If I look for excuses, I will find them. I feel better about myself when I eat well and exercise so why do I keep sabotaging my efforts, which just makes me feel bad?? I think I am "off the rails" because I feel stressed about what to do work-wise and feel nervous about resigning from here. I must stop making excuses to treat myself badly though! My health and well-being should be my number one priority. I feel very fat and sorry for myself today....I need to snap out of it!
I am also feeling pi**ed off because I really want to get my tax done so I can find out how much I am getting back but I am yet to receive one of my group certificates. My old work changed payroll company's mid-year and, as such, heaps of certificates have not been received. Once I know what I am getting back, I can work out if I am going to spend the money on a holiday at the end of the year or put it aside to go towards a house deposit. I just wish the damn thing would arrive!!! This way, I can have something positive to look forward to.
Wednesday is J and I's 2 year anniversary so that will be nice. I have thought of a few ideas of what to get him....some practical things and some not so practical things. I will go to the shops tomorrow at lunch to pick them up. Now I just need to think of something nice to do to celebrate the night....Going for dinner is just so ordinary!
Till next time
Miss Pinky
Monday 16 July 2007
Run? Legend.....Food? Loser!!
First of all an update on my run from Saturday.....I am so absolutely proud of myself!!! Not only did I run the whole 11kms without any walking stops at all but I did it in an amazing time....62 minutes. I honestly can't believe I did this as I was expecting to do about 80 minutes. I must admit that the course is mostly downhill, with a few uphills put in for "good measure" but I am still ecstatic with my result!!! We got a taxi from the finish line to the start line and when I saw just how far 11kms was, I was absolutely petrified. I thought "no way am I going to finish this". I felt like I was going at a very slow pace because I wanted to make sure I didn't run out of "puff" but I was so excited when I saw J just near the finish line. He was walking to get a coffee as he didn't think I would arrive for at least another 15 minutes and he seemed really shocked when he saw me. I also recovered really quickly and did not feel sore or tired afterwards. To reward myself for my efforts I bought a great pair of new Nike runners from the running shop and a new pair of pants for work. The runners feel so comfortable and are very lightweight so perhaps they will make me faster?? I think that is just wishful thinking!! :-)
So, riding on this "running high" saw me eat enough food to feed a small village at our BBQ yesterday!! It was HIDEOUS!!! I just kept eating and eating and eating and I filled up on all the bad stuff like cheese, crackers, dip and then chocolate biscuits. I ate so much that at the end of the day I had "reflux" coming up into my mouth. What a dead-set pig to eat until I was that sick! I had set my alarm to get up and run before work this morning but at about 4am I woke up still feeling sick so I changed the time on the alarm to a later time. Then, when it went off I still felt sick so I thought "I am not going in to work today" but I ended up coming in as I would have had to drive J to work anyway and I have an interview this afternoon also so there was really no point in staying home. I am considering a "sickie" next Monday as J will be having an RDO and it is the day after the run so I may be tired. Why not take advantage of the sick days before I leave?
Due to my hideous eating and sleeping in I have to go for a run at lunch time today. This means about an hour and a half lunch break, which is really "taking advantage" but I hate it here anyway! This run is going to kill me.....and the 8500 chocolate cookies swimming around in my stomach! I have planned out my exercise for the week and I am determined to stick to a good eating and exercise plan to rid myself of the extra kilo I gained over the weekend. In a way, I am happy I got so sick from it because it will make me think twice before doing it again....hopefully!!!
My interview this afternoon is for a job that seems much better than my current one but not as good as the one I have an interview for tomorrow afternoon. I will go anyway and see what happens. I hope and pray that the one tomorrow goes well as I really want this!!
I start Uni next week. I am worried about how I will juggle 12 credit points of Uni with full-time work, exercise, housework and looking after the dogs but I will need to work something out. As it is now I don't have enough time to do everything! J will really need to "step up" and help me out with the washing and housework. One of the perils of me running and J doing 2 exercise sessions a day is the amount of washing we have! I wash every single day and it takes up so much time.
Also - Next week is J and my 2 year anniversary. I am not sure what we are doing to celebrate. We will probably go out for dinner or something. I need to think of a present to get him. He is hard to buy for!
Well I have no work today but I will go and catch up on all my favourite blogs.
Miss Pinky
So, riding on this "running high" saw me eat enough food to feed a small village at our BBQ yesterday!! It was HIDEOUS!!! I just kept eating and eating and eating and I filled up on all the bad stuff like cheese, crackers, dip and then chocolate biscuits. I ate so much that at the end of the day I had "reflux" coming up into my mouth. What a dead-set pig to eat until I was that sick! I had set my alarm to get up and run before work this morning but at about 4am I woke up still feeling sick so I changed the time on the alarm to a later time. Then, when it went off I still felt sick so I thought "I am not going in to work today" but I ended up coming in as I would have had to drive J to work anyway and I have an interview this afternoon also so there was really no point in staying home. I am considering a "sickie" next Monday as J will be having an RDO and it is the day after the run so I may be tired. Why not take advantage of the sick days before I leave?
Due to my hideous eating and sleeping in I have to go for a run at lunch time today. This means about an hour and a half lunch break, which is really "taking advantage" but I hate it here anyway! This run is going to kill me.....and the 8500 chocolate cookies swimming around in my stomach! I have planned out my exercise for the week and I am determined to stick to a good eating and exercise plan to rid myself of the extra kilo I gained over the weekend. In a way, I am happy I got so sick from it because it will make me think twice before doing it again....hopefully!!!
My interview this afternoon is for a job that seems much better than my current one but not as good as the one I have an interview for tomorrow afternoon. I will go anyway and see what happens. I hope and pray that the one tomorrow goes well as I really want this!!
I start Uni next week. I am worried about how I will juggle 12 credit points of Uni with full-time work, exercise, housework and looking after the dogs but I will need to work something out. As it is now I don't have enough time to do everything! J will really need to "step up" and help me out with the washing and housework. One of the perils of me running and J doing 2 exercise sessions a day is the amount of washing we have! I wash every single day and it takes up so much time.
Also - Next week is J and my 2 year anniversary. I am not sure what we are doing to celebrate. We will probably go out for dinner or something. I need to think of a present to get him. He is hard to buy for!
Well I have no work today but I will go and catch up on all my favourite blogs.
Miss Pinky
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