I absolutely never saw this coming but J arrived home late from work last night and rushed in to say he wanted to be with me. To say I was “shocked” is a vast understatement!! I think he expected me to be overwhelmed with joy and to reacted very excitedly but I just couldn’t. Although I was happy that he was giving us another chance….I was so devastated from the previous night’s turmoil that I reacted very, very calmly. Dare I say it but I was almost “cold”.
I am happy but I am also scared. I now know that “breaking up” is something he is totally prepared to do so that will always be in the back of my mind. I need to work on my jealousy issues and my anger and I also need to start doing some things by myself (and letting him do the same) and not being so reliant on him. This all will not be easy and it will take time. I need to be more respectful and supportive of him and treat him that way. Of course, J is no angel but these are the things that I need to focus on.
I had planned on a weekend of being very upset and just trying to keep myself busy…..but it looks like we may now be able to spend some time together “reconnecting”. The weather is supposed to be nice so perhaps we will head to the beach or something? Yes….I am happy but now the real work begins.
I got my hair coloured last night. It is much lighter….nearly blonde….and I am so happy with it! It is exactly what I wanted and I feel so much better. Also – The pants I am wearing today are hanging off me and falling down, which always feels good! Better than digging in and cutting off my circulation!
I went a little “overboard” with my food last night. I had an extra piece of toast and some ice cream and a kit-kat but this morning I am down 0.4kgs so it hasn’t done damage….I hope. Next week I need to make sure I do 5 exercise sessions. This should be possible now that my world is coming back to some sort of order. Now it will simply be about motivation.
Plan For Today:
Breakfast: 1 english muffin with light peanut butter
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Egg and salad wrap
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt and 2 apricots
Dinner: Either fish and vegies (if the fish hasn’t gone “bad”) or a ham, cheese and tomato toasted sandwich
Dessert: 2 finger kit-kat
I am not doing any exercise today because my dogs have been very neglected this past week and I did not take them out at all last night so I will head straight to the dog park instead. They were very upset when J and I were arguing and they are in need of some TLC!
Miss Pinky
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2 comments:
heya Pinky,
i have been reading about your situation and i have to tell you i went through a very similar thing..where he said that he needed time to sort out his feeling about me and shite. So i know the inner turmoil of having to realise that your world is not what you thought and you realise that you have to do more for yourself. So i definatly say go and do something for yourself. Start a short course, take a painting, sculpting or pottery class...do something and yes be less reliant on him. It will take a while for you to completly open up your heart agin as he hurt you so much so just be really kind to yourself..ok.
take it easy.
nic
Thanks for this Nic! I still feel rather "shell shocked" and as though I am "walking on eggshells" sometimes but hopefully this will improve. I am starting to do things by myself and trying to be a bit more "self sufficient". I really appreciate your comments!!
Miss Pinky
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