I have been Tagged!!!!

I am so excited really because I have been "tagged" by Nic.....Sorry Nic.....No idea how to put a link on! Now I feel a "real" part of the blogging community.....Yay!!!!

Four dishes I like to cook:
1. Toast
2. Fruit salad
3. Salad
4. Toast……If you haven’t guessed, I can’t cook at all!!!! J does the cooking!

Four qualities I love in people:
1. Openness
2. Friendliness
3. Forgiveness……because I need it as I always stuff up!
4. Generosity

Four places I have been:
1. Thailand (Phuket and Bangkok)
2. Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
3. Bali
4. New Zealand (Auckland)

Four things in my bedroom:
1. An electric fan
2. TV
3. Bed
4. 2 dogs who really should not be in there!!!!

Four dirty words that I like to use:
1. Fuck
2. Fuck
3. Fuck
4. Fuck

Food and exercise has been sooooooo bad! This is why I didn't post yesterday. I would have filled my whole blog up with my Menu for the day!!!! I am feeling, dare I say it, "happy" though and that is the most important thing! I will get back on track after a little (BIG) splurge. Why does shortbread taste so much better than salad?

I managed to start my Christmas shopping yesterday. I bought an outfit for each of my 2 nieces. I am glad I have at least started the shopping! I have a bit to go but "slow and steady wins the race".

I am going for dinner tonight with J and a couple of girls from my old work (J works at my old work), which will be nice. It is always good to catch up. I was thinking to myself this morning about how I just "waste away" Monday - Friday and hang out for the weekend. It is as though the weekdays are for simply getting through and I never do anything fun during the week. This needs to change!! There are only 2 days for the weekend and 5 days for the week.....so if I waste the weekdays, that means 260 days a year have been put to no good use. I am going to make an effort to do stuff during the week, like see a movie, go out for coffee/cake, go shopping after work, etc. Life is just too short to waste it I think!

I am loving daylight savings at the moment. It is so good to be able to walk the dogs or take them to the park later than usual and to have a BBQ dinner before it gets dark. I wish it was like this all year round but I guess then it would not feel special!

I won't put my "plan" down for today as it is rather disgusting!!!

Miss Pinky

Cheering up

I had a pretty good weekend food-wise……A few bad things (golden gaytime icecream, kit-kat, chicken parmagiana) mixed in with quite a bit of healthy stuff (salad, sushi, yoghurt). Today I am 65kgs, which is 0.2kgs down from Friday. I also went to the Gym on Saturday and ran on the treadmill for 40 mins. Treadmill running is just not for me…..All I do is “watch the clock” and I find it really boring with nothing to look at or to distract me from my puffing and panting. It was the longest 40 minute run EVER! I also think it is physically tougher on your legs, as your motion is identical with each step.

J’s Christmas party is on Saturday and I am 1kg away from my “Christmas party goal” so I need to make sure I eat well and do 5 exercise sessions this week. This is the only way I will drop a kilo by Saturday.

Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Small fruit salad plus 1 small slice grain bread with vegemite
Morning tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Prawn salad (prawns, avocado, spinach, cucumber, capsicum, shallots, pumpkin, tomatoes, mushrooms, sundried tomatoes) and a chicken cup-a-soup
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt
Dinner: Ham, cheese and tomato toasted sandwich
Dessert: W/W cake bar
Exercise: Body Attack class this afternoon

The weather in Sydney was so beautiful on the weekend. I went to the pool yesterday for an hour and got really burnt. I had trouble sleeping last night as I couldn’t get comfortable and I was really hot. Hopefully tonight my sunburn will be a bit better so sleeping will be easier.

Nothing has been decided for Xmas as yet and it is only about 5 weeks away!!! I hate feeling disorganised!!! I also need to make a start on my Xmas shopping. I always end up just buying stuff for myself when I go shopping and then have to do the “mad rush” at the last minute for everyone else. I don’t know why but it really does feel like Christmas to me this year. I think it may be a combination of the nice weather and the summer fruits in the shops, as well as the fact that I haven’t really “felt” Christmas for a few years.

Miss Pinky

A major surprise and a new hairdo

I absolutely never saw this coming but J arrived home late from work last night and rushed in to say he wanted to be with me. To say I was “shocked” is a vast understatement!! I think he expected me to be overwhelmed with joy and to reacted very excitedly but I just couldn’t. Although I was happy that he was giving us another chance….I was so devastated from the previous night’s turmoil that I reacted very, very calmly. Dare I say it but I was almost “cold”.

I am happy but I am also scared. I now know that “breaking up” is something he is totally prepared to do so that will always be in the back of my mind. I need to work on my jealousy issues and my anger and I also need to start doing some things by myself (and letting him do the same) and not being so reliant on him. This all will not be easy and it will take time. I need to be more respectful and supportive of him and treat him that way. Of course, J is no angel but these are the things that I need to focus on.

I had planned on a weekend of being very upset and just trying to keep myself busy…..but it looks like we may now be able to spend some time together “reconnecting”. The weather is supposed to be nice so perhaps we will head to the beach or something? Yes….I am happy but now the real work begins.

I got my hair coloured last night. It is much lighter….nearly blonde….and I am so happy with it! It is exactly what I wanted and I feel so much better. Also – The pants I am wearing today are hanging off me and falling down, which always feels good! Better than digging in and cutting off my circulation!

I went a little “overboard” with my food last night. I had an extra piece of toast and some ice cream and a kit-kat but this morning I am down 0.4kgs so it hasn’t done damage….I hope. Next week I need to make sure I do 5 exercise sessions. This should be possible now that my world is coming back to some sort of order. Now it will simply be about motivation.

Plan For Today:
Breakfast: 1 english muffin with light peanut butter
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Egg and salad wrap
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt and 2 apricots
Dinner: Either fish and vegies (if the fish hasn’t gone “bad”) or a ham, cheese and tomato toasted sandwich
Dessert: 2 finger kit-kat

I am not doing any exercise today because my dogs have been very neglected this past week and I did not take them out at all last night so I will head straight to the dog park instead. They were very upset when J and I were arguing and they are in need of some TLC!

Miss Pinky

Another one bites the dust!

I couldn’t stand to play “the waiting game” any more, so last night I confronted J to make a decision. He chose to leave. I won’t go into the details but I was devastated….once again! Went to bed crying hysterically….again. Woke up with puffy eyes….again. He is now to move out of the house ASAP as it is not healthy for me to see him every day. It will mean I will never get over him. Once he moves out I can concentrate on “me” and building my life again. I know he thinks I am so nasty to tell him to move out but how the f**k can I stop loving him when he is in my face??

I was pretty good with food yesterday but I did have a 2 finger kit-kat and about 10 lollies, which were not in the plan. I didn’t make it to the Gym as I was feeling too upset. I did manage to vacuum the house though, which I am very impressed with. How sad that it is now a big challenge for me to get something so minor done!! This break up has just “floored” me and I find things like keeping the house tidy really difficult at the moment. Every little job seems like the biggest job on earth and all I want to do is sit around and cry. Before this happened, I was such a perfectionist in my house!!

Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Turkey, 1 boiled egg and salad
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt
Dinner: Probably 2 x toast
Dessert: W/W cake bar

No exercise today. I am going to get my hair coloured and cut after work so hopefully that cheers me up a little bit. Although I doubt I would have done any exercise anyway!!!

Miss Pinky

Coming To Terms With Things.....Maybe!

I am still feeling rather angry about everything today but I am also starting to believe that my future will definitely be without J in it. He has still made no decision and the longer this drags out, the more I see that he has no real respect for my feelings. He knows this eats me up inside.

I slept in the spare room last night. It is not good for me sleeping in the same bed as him. It just confuses things and will mean I am far more devastated the day he actually moves out. It is time to start getting used to being alone now.

Anyway, I just can't be bothered to write about this stuff today as it is nothing but DEPRESSING! I think I am going to hire a car this weekend and head to Forster for 2 nights. It is meant to be nice weather so I can just lay on the beach and relax. It has to be better than sitting at home alone and feeling sad.

I was rather bad with my food yesterday. I ate nearly a whole bag of lollies and put on 0.6kgs this morning as punishment! I guess it is only a small deviation over the last few weeks and it could have been much, much worse considering that I am an emotional eater at times.

Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morn Tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Pumpkin soup and 1 slice grain bread
Afternoon Tea: Yoghurt....although I really want a muesli slice from the vending machine which equates to about 400 calories!!!!!! It is really a "cake" not a health food.
Dinner: Probably leftover prawn curry with rice
Dessert: W/W cake bar
Exercise: Body Attack class at 6pm....It will be hard to motivate myself

Miss Pinky

Starting to feel angry

Today I am feeling more angry than hurt. I feel that J simply has the best of both worlds now….Everything is completely under his control. I don’t have any say in where he goes or what he does, I do all of the housework and washing and don’t nag him to help because I worry he will then decide he will move out and he is still able to talk to me and hang out with me when he wants so he is not alone or bored. In addition to this, we have also been intimate a few times. In my defence, I only did this because he initiated it and I thought he would definitely not do that unless we were getting back together. How wrong I was!!!! I thought he was different to other guys I have been with. So now, he seems to have maintained all the good stuff from the relationship and completely avoided the bad stuff, the chores, the responsibilities and the commitment.

He came home last night about 7.30pm….after a run. I was having toast for dinner as I felt a bit sick after my run in the heat. He got out his steak to cook and asked me to make a salad for him. I did make it but a part of me was thinking “What is going on here?? I am being used!”. I also did his dishes when he went out to buy the groceries and he didn’t even notice I had done them when he got home.

Now I am completely aware all of this is stuff that is under my control. I can stop cleaning up after him, doing his washing and definitely can stop being intimate with him!! I am just angry that he feels OK about treating me like this. Even if he doesn’t ever want to be with me again, he doesn’t have to be like this. Surely he remembers that he was once very in love with me??

I asked him last night if he thinks he will make a decision by Christmas and he said “I hope so”. Christmas is 6 weeks away!!!!!! How could he even imagine he will string this out for that long???!!!! Maybe it is just me but I don’t understand this “needing time to think” saga. Don’t you just “know” if you want to be with someone or if you don’t?? To me, it is a fairly straight-forward decision…..Does he want to build a future with me or not?? What is annoying me is that he doesn’t seem to be putting any time into doing his “thinking” anyway. I don’t know how long I can go on with this “waiting game”. As much as I do love him and wish he would give me another chance, my patience is wearing very thin.

I went for a 10km run last night. It was so unbelievably hot!!! I hadn’t run for 11 days and it was a real struggle. I felt good about it when I finished though. I am glad I did something. I am not sure if I will do anything tonight (exercise wise) or just wait until tomorrow. With my emotional state at the moment, I am putting no pressure on myself with exercise. I will “plan” on 5 days but if I only do 2 or 3, it is still better than none. I am still being really good with the food though. I weighed myself this morning and I was 65kgs on the dot….YAY!!!! This is a 3.2kg loss in 15 days. This is actually the lightest I have been since January!

Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Big bowl of fruit salad
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Grain roll, turkey, salad, dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt
Dinner: Maybe curry prawns with rice (weight watchers recipe)
Dessert: W/W cake bar
Exercise: Will just see how I feel

Miss Pinky

I survived the weekend.....

Reading my last post again sends a chill up my spine. Although it is certainly 100% truthful, it makes me sound like a real “basket case”. For the record, I do not come across in my everyday life as psychotic or deranged. I go to work every day (have done since I was 14 years old), I am polite to others, I live in a nice clean house, I do not drink alcohol or take drugs to deal with my issues. To the outside world, it would appear that I am rather settled and happy. Of course, what is going on in my head and my heart is anything BUT settled and happy!!!

J is still living with me but we are not together. It is very weird as we still sleep in the same bed, etc and even went to Westfield and the dog park together over the weekend. I am still crushed beyond belief but will not cry, as I just can’t front up to work with puffy eyes again! This happened last week and I made out I just “woke up like that”. You see, I have not told anybody at work what has happened. I just pretend all is OK. To be honest, I am not at all close to anyone at work so serious conversations do not come up anyway. It is very hard to concentrate at work as all I can think of is J and what has happened.

The weekend passed me by in a bit of a “haze”. I would have moments where I felt OK and then 5 minutes later I felt physically ill…..Like I wanted to collapse in a pile of tears. At this time, my mood can change in the space of a few minutes. I guess that is what grief is all about! It is grief that I am dealing with…..the death of my relationship. Of course, it is no way comparable to actually losing a loved one but it is still the same sort of feelings.

I managed to get a few things done on the weekend. I did the washing and changed the sheets but couldn’t manage the vacuuming. I went out with my sister Friday night and last night, which was good to get my mind off things. Pretty quiet nights but it was better than moping at home.

J had an engagement party on last night. I was invited and we had already RSVP’d but he told the guy we were fighting and he didn’t want me to come. Perhaps it is just my warped sense of thinking but I think that is mean. If we had already RSVP’d, he should have just gone with me. It is not as though we aren’t speaking! We spent most of the weekend together anyway…..

I did zero exercise on the weekend. I just couldn’t muster up the strength to go. Although I didn’t eat much at all so I weighed in this morning at 65.6kgs…..a total loss of 2.6kgs in 2 weeks. I feel much better and much less wobbly, so I guess that is something to feel happy about. I have been having toast for dinner most nights. I know that is really bad and not nutritious at all but it seems to be all I can stomach when I am feeling sad at night.

Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morning tea: 4 multigrain corn thins
Lunch: Egg and salad wrap
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt
Dinner: Toast x 2….probably with jam or peanut butter
Dessert: Either an iceblock or a 2 finger kit-kat
Exercise: Praying I can make myself go for a run after work

Miss Pinky

One hell of an honest read....If you are up for it!

I thought it may be “therapeutic” to analyse my relationship history….and my life in general…..so here goes….

I was born in New Zealand. My Mum and Dad were married but my Dad was highly abusive towards my Mum, both physically and mentally. He was abused as a child, so perhaps this provided a “reason” for his abuse but certainly was not an excuse. Apparently I was a happy child and had a good relationship with my Dad. He left when I was about 3 years old. He went to jail for 14 years but that is a whole other story. I have no recollection of ever living with my Dad or having him around.

It was then my Mum, my older brother (10 years older) and me. My Dad was moved from a New Zealand jail to an Australian one so we moved to Australia. I absolutely idolised my brother. I guess he was a substitute for a father for me. I always wanted to be around him and I must have really annoyed him, especially during his teenage years! My brother was married quite young and moved out, which broke my heart. I was always going over to visit him and he eventually told my Mum I wasn’t allowed around so much as it was annoying him. A couple of years later, when I was about 12 years old, he cut off all contact with my Mum and me. He did not speak to us at all for 6 years. 6 whole f**ken years!!!! I never really understood why…..All I knew is that I really missed him…..So much so that I would cry. Today, he does talk to us but our relationship is very forced and uncomfortable. I don’t think those “missing years” can ever be gained back.

My next “male rejection” comes in the form of my first boyfriend. I remember spending the majority of my waking hours from age 14 to 16 staring out my front window to see if he was around and waiting for a phone call that never came. He used to break up with me all the time and run out and me. Then, I would just wait until he came back again. I remember being is so much pain and just wishing he would really care for me. After about 2 years together, I found him asleep one morning with a girl’s phone number and a bra next to his bed. I went home, took 40 panadol with a bottle of Midori and this marked my first suicide attempt. He actually came into my house when I was taking the tablets, stole $40 from me, told me to take more tablets and left. My Mum found me and I was in hospital for 2 days, eating charcoal to fix my liver. I never saw him again. Nice guy!

Next was a boyfriend I spent over 4 years with. Basically the same story. He was always out with his mates drinking and would come home early in the morning when he was well and truly tanked. Quite obviously he was using me but I couldn’t see it. He used to break up with me all the time and then get back with me. He would just “toy” with my emotions. We had some absolutely horrific fights and I could never handle him walking out on me. This meant I often ran after him down the street in my nightie and other things to the same effect. I was with him from when I was 17-21. I must have really been a joke to him. I wonder if he ever feels bad for what I went through…..Probably not.

Next, I had a 3 month relationship that ended with an AVO out on ME!!!! This guy was sooooooooo full on…..Such an absolute charmer. He said all the right things to swindle situations into exactly what he wanted. A week after I met him, I went to Bali on a holiday. While I was there, he used to send 16 page faxes to my hotel, declaring his love for me, etc. I was a bit “suss” at the start but this sort of attention is just what the doctor ordered for someone with very low self-esteem. I fell HARD. He played the same old game…..Constant break ups, not answering my calls, running away, getting back together. He broke up with me one day and I just assumed it was like all the other times and that if I called him, he would realise he should come back. Well, he obviously really meant it this time, so when I called him many, many times he went to the police and took out an AVO. I was so devastated! He did not live in my area but he would pull up out the front of my house tooting his car horn. I would go out to see what the noise was to witness a girl getting into his car. This is most probably the first day I discovered running. I ran and ran and ran to get out all the hurt and anger. He would also always comment on how fat I was and, looking back, I wasn’t even fat.

There was one in the middle who I was with for 6 months. Yes – he also broke up with me but was a bit of a freak and it didn’t really affect me so this is nothing major.

Next up was one that I still find painful at times. 18 months, so obsessed with me at the start, fell in love with me very quickly and then began the cycle of breaking up with me, getting back together, etc. He was also violent when he drank alcohol, which was just horrible. I was too scared to be alone and too scared to deal with more rejection, so I stayed. Each time I kept going back. Each time I got hurt. He broke up with me one night and I left his house and promised to never go back. I didn’t. I met my ex-husband 2 nights later. Needless to say, he tried to get back with me after “the usual three days” and it was too late. It took me a very long time to get over this and I believe a piece of it is still with me even today.

My ex-husband is wonderful. Never did anything wrong, loved me unconditionally and treated me like a princess. Unfortunately, I was not attracted to him so after 3 years together, I left. Looking back, was I not attracted to him because he never “played the game” of breaking up with me, getting back together?? Seems rather reasonable! This is the only time I have ever broken up with someone. We still talk on the phone sometimes. He is still lovely and is with someone else. I hope I never made him feel how I have felt with partners in my past. I broke up with him, after meeting J. Horrible I know, but the truth!

Every time I meet someone they fall for me in a very big way and fast! I am not being vain as I actually have a major low self-esteem problem but this is true. I think I play a role of the “perfect girlfriend” when I meet someone. I never show them my insecurities, my jealousy, my anger or my neediness. I pretend to be self-sufficient, confident and FUN…..All the things that I really am not. I think I have learnt how to behave to make them fall for me.

I can only keep the façade up for a few weeks though and then the real me starts to come through…..Insanely jealous, very needy, wanting to spend 100% of my time with them, highly emotional and vulnerable, downright nasty and evil in an argument, organised to the point of obsessiveness. I am petrified of rejection and by “being the real me”, I bring rejection into my life. I make such a big “song and dance” about being scared they will leave me that, ultimately, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When they have had enough (time ranging from 3 months to 4 years) and leave me, it confirms how unlovable I am and that I was “right from the start”. What a hideous rollercoaster!!!

So, this is the first time J has broken up with me. I am breaking the vicious cycle of my life. I will not try and change his mind and I will not chase him. It is his life and his decision. I have only been alone (without a boyfriend) for a few weeks since I was 14….16 years. I am petrified of being alone but, in reality, my relationships have been so messed up that I have spent the majority of that time alone, waiting for them to return to me. It is time to fix myself. It is time to take accountability for the fact that no man wants to spend his life with a psycho like me. I need to start to love myself more and believe I am worthy of a loving relationship. If I feel I am a worthwhile person, I won’t be jealous, then I won’t be angry or nasty…..and then perhaps I can find my life-long partner.

Miss Pinky.

Broken Hearted

So the story goes like this…..
J broke up with me on Wednesday night. Said he “couldn’t live like this anymore”. Well, another one bites the dust! It lasted 2 years and 4 months. We were engaged which makes it all a little harder. For some reason I honestly believed him when he said we would be together forever. What the f**k does “forever” mean these days anyway??!!! I feel terribly betrayed and I swing between being absolutely devastated and crying non-stop, to being so angry I feel like smashing something. Things were so fantastic at first. I had never felt anything like it. I was so completely and utterly head over heels in love and he adored me! I KNEW that I meant a lot to him. How did it all get so messed up?? How could it go from so perfect to non-existent?? I was completely willing to stay together and work towards a solution but he decided he wanted out. So, now I must learn to live with this decision and carve out a new “routine” that does not include J.

I will stay at the house and I will keep the dogs. He will find somewhere else to live and will take his car and the scooter. I will need to get myself a crappy little car to get to work because there is no public transport that I can get to my work.

I think I will see if my sister (19 years old) is going out tonight and I may head out with her to get my mind off everything. It is going to be tough but I know I will survive…..I have been broken up with many times before and always recovered. I just wish I did not have to deal with this though. It feels like such a shame and such a a waste.

Needless to say, I am finding the exercise a little hard right now. I can’t motivate myself to leave the house. I haven’t even taken the dogs out for 2 days and have been using the rain as an excuse. Truth is, I just feel so deflated!!!

I stuck to my food plan yesterday but had 2 pieces of toast with light peanut butter for dinner instead of the steak and vegies. By the time I had finished crying and trying to change J’s mind, it was too late to cook.

Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Cereal, skim, ½ banana
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Grain roll, chicken, lettuce, tomato, low-fat dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Grapes and an orange
Dinner: Salty tears…..Hopefully steak and vegies or toast if I am emotional
Dessert: I don’t really care
Exercise: Maybe a run this afternoon but I am guessing nothing. I will definitely do a couple of Spin classes on the weekend….

Thanks to people who have left comments on here. Thanks Tiny Donna for mentioning me on your Blog!!!!….I have no idea how to add a link to your Blog as I am a technical idiot! As well as a relationship IDIOT!!!!

Have a great weekend all and NEVER TAKE A RELATIONSHIP FOR GRANTED!!!! Please take this advice from someone who has been dumped more times than they have had hot dinners!

Miss Pinky

Scales heading down.....

Just a quick one....

Stuck to plan yesterday, apart from 2 biscuits but I skipped the iceblock and had a smaller dinner to make up for it. Did a Body Attack class (high energy aerobics), which was easier than I remember it ever being. Either the instructor was not very good or the Spinning is increasing my fitness??

Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Lite n Tasty cereal with skim and a half a banana
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Grain roll, chicken, salad, dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt, grapes, half an orange
Dinner: Steak, sweet potato, corn, beans
Dessert: 1 biscuit (will probably have before dinner again)
Exercise: Considering a 5pm Spin class but I have something major going on at home (which I will discuss later) so I will see how I go.

Miss Pinky

Feeling down in the dumps again!

Yesterday my food was "spot on", except I swapped the iceblock for a biscuit. I really crave things like biscuits so I am better off giving in and having one, otherwise I will have a major blow out and eat 100!!

J got home late last night and we had a big argument so I didn't get to my Boxing class. I don't think Boxing when you are really mad is a great idea....especially when you would be doing it with the person you are mad at! This means my day off was yesterday and I will have to exercise today, which I am a bit spewing about. All J and I do is fight. He must truly hate me so much the way he talks to me. I spend so much time questioning what it is I have done to make him so cold towards me or what I could do better but, ultimately, I cannot change how he feels and acts towards me. What I can control is how his actions affect me and just pay no attention to the "fat" comments he makes.

I stay because I am scared to be alone. I stay because I don't know where I have options of meeting someone else as I am a real homebody. I stay because it is convenient. I will have to have a real hard think to decide if it is all worth it. Needless to say, I feel rather down today. I also had a complaint put in to customer service about me. One of the trucking companies that I use to carry product says he is not getting a fair share of the work. Maybe that is because you are a total ar*ehole to me and treat me like sh*t??!! He didn't even copy me in on the email he sent because he is a complete coward! So, today I have to work out the % of loads this pri*k has been getting and let customer service know. Today is not a great day.

On a positive note though I did win $60 on the cup sweeps yesterday.

Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Pumpkin soup and salad
Afternoon tea: Yoghurt
Dinner: Pita bread pizza (ham, cheese, mushroom, capsicum, tomato paste, garlic)
Dessert: Ice block
Exercise: 6.15pm Spin but I have a feeling I will skip it....fingers crossed I don't!

Miss Pinky

Tuesday Update

Yesterday went entirely according to plan....No stuff ups at all!!! Which was surprising considering I was hungry from the moment I woke up and work was really dead.....which normally means I eat heaps! I did have to have my dessert (W/W cake bar) at about 4.30pm though, as I was feeling hungry. Spin class was OK, except I feel that I did not give it the 100% I normally do. There were times I could have put the dial up more or gone faster. I was still very sweaty afterwards though. I guess anything is better than sitting at home watching TV!!

It is the Melbourne Cup today and they are having an afternoon tea at work, which will be a little challenging. I just have to think about my goal and avoid the snacks!!!! I am not betting today.....Just going in a few office sweeps.

Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morn tea: Large handful nuts and craisins
Lunch: Grain roll, chicken, lettuce, tomato, low-fat dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Raspberry yoghurt and a carrot
Dinner: Grilled fish, salad, sweet potato
Dessert: Ice block
Exercise: Boxing tonight

Miss Pinky

Cold and Hungry.....

I have officially survived the weekend! I did a Spin class on Saturday morning, making it 5 exercise sessions for the week. Food-wise, I am rather proud of myself, basically only breaking from my plan to have a biscuit each day. This morning, I am 66.4kgs, so I have lost 1.8kgs this week. Yay!!!!! My clothes are already feeling much better.

I have planned out my food and exercise for the week, although it looks nearly identical to last week! I think because I lost a good amount of weight I am now too scared to deviate at all.

I discovered weight watcher's cake bars on the weekend. These are great if you have a sweet tooth....they taste like mud cake and are only about 70 calories each. You really feel as though you have eaten something "bad" though.

My plan for today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morn tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Grain roll, chicken, tomato, lettuce, low-fat dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Raspberry yoghurt (about 1/2 cup)
Dinner: 1 egg, 1/2 can spaghetti, 2 grain toast (Lazy dinner as J home late)
Dessert: Either an ice block or a W/W cake bar
Exercise: Spin class tonight

It is very cold in Sydney today....rainy and windy. I always find I am more hungry on these days and love to eat things like biscuits, cakes, chocolates so I will need to be really STRONG today.

I am a bit freaked out by my lack of running (only doing 1 run a week) as I am meant to be doing the Central Coast half marathon in about 4 weeks. I am finding that the Spinning is doing much more for my weight loss and fitness though, so that is why I am doing more of this. Even though I do find the Spin classes much harder than a run. I guess if I can get some kilos off, the running will be easier and it is not as though my body will "forget" how to run. My longer term goal is still the Gold Coast Marathon in 2008......I will see how I go.

Miss Pinky

Day 5 and the game is still "on"!

I completely stuck to my plan yesterday......not one stuff up at all!
I am so proud!!!!
I had a slight urge for chocolate but managed to resist it!

There are a couple of people who have left comments on here.....For some reason I can't respond but know that I do read them and really appreciate the comments/feedback. Thanks guys!!! :-)

My Mum is much better now. 100% better than the day of her operation. She is even eating small bits of food now, which is good. I have a feeling she will probably be in hospital until Monday, so it will be a weekend of visits back and forth from the hospital. It's a pity the hospital is 45 minutes drive away! As well as my hospital visits, I plan on going to the Sydney Motorcycle Show this weekend. J is right into motorbikes at the moment and I quite like stuff like this too. It is meant to be a rainy Sydney weekend, so no outdoor activities for me! Although I will get either a run or a spin class in to make it 5 exercise sessions for the week. YAY!!!

My Plan For Today:
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morning tea: 3 multigrain rice cakes
Lunch: Grain roll with egg, spinach and low-fat dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Celery, carrot and handful of nuts
Dinner: Pasta with tomato, basil, mushroom, capsicum
Dessert: Lifesaver iceblock
Exercise: Spin class already completed!

Have a great weekend!!!!!!

Miss Pinky

Going strong

Stuck to my plan yesterday, apart from one dorrito chip and a handful of nuts.....But I skipped the iceblock to try and make up for it.

My Mum will be in hospital for a few days. I went and saw her last night. She was really slepy and sore.....Not surprisingly! I will go and see her each night until she gets out. Poor Mum! I hope she gets well soon.

Plan For Today.....
Breakfast: Fruit salad
Morn Tea: Rice crackers
Lunch: Grain roll with egg, spinach and low fat dijonnaise
Afternoon tea: Carrots, celery and nuts
Dinner: Steak and vegies
Dessert: Lifesaver iceblock
Exercise: 8km run already completed....yay!!! :-)

Miss Pinky