Breaking out of this Funk

Today is the start of getting back to being healthy. I know I say this all the time but I absolutely NEED to do it this time. As difficult as I find it to resist junk food and do regular exercise, I find it even tougher to hate myself the way I do now. I think of how I have let myself go and it makes me feel sick!

When I initially set out on this weight loss journey about 2 and a half years ago, my goal was to get to 60kgs. The closest I ever got was 61.6kgs in early Dec last year. Today I weighed in at 68.2kgs!!! That is a gain of 6.6kgs! I have never ever mentioned my actual weight on here due to feeling ashamed but it is time I became accountable for my actions. I am sick of feeling unattractive, frumpy and tired! I am sick of my thighs rubbing together and I am sick of “wobbling”!!!!

I am at a point where I am close to being house bound because I am so scared I will go somewhere and see someone who last saw me in Dec and they will think “Oh my God….Hasn’t she let herself go?”. I worked REALLY HARD for this…..I hated exercising 5-6 times a week and I really missed chocolate, McDonalds, etc but it was worth it because I lost a lot of weight and felt a little bit “good” about myself. I felt proud of what I had nearly achieved and loved the comments people would make about my weight loss. Now, people say nothing because it is quite obvious I am not achieving anything other than a massive spare tyre!

From now on I will write down everything I eat and exercise at least 4 times a week. I planned on running this morning but at 5.30am it was still dark and, as such, I could not motivate myself. So I MUST go to a Spin class at the Gym tonight and tomorrow I will do a Boxing class. I will plan the rest of the week closer to the day.

My food today looks like this:
BREAKFAST: Bowl of fresh fruit with half cup low fat yoghurt
MORNING TEA: 12 wholegrain rice crackers
LUNCH: Multigrain roll with lean chicken and salad
DINNER: Grilled fish with vegies and lemon
DESSERT: Lifesavers ice block (Better than my usual big bowl of icecream)
OPTIONAL SNACK: Nuts (See how I feel later)

It is J’s work Christmas party in about 4 weeks. Remember that I used to work there until Jan this year??….. The last Xmas party, I was about 62kgs and people kept making comments about my weight loss. I felt awesome…..Even “attractive”!!! If I stick to my plan religiously for 4 weeks, I should be able to get to 64kgs. At least then, it won’t be a massively obvious difference that people will talk about…..At least I hope it won’t!!!!

An update on the 8km run the other weekend…..It was sooooooo hot and horrible but I finished a minute quicker than last year. I was actually not happy with this as I wanted to do a really bad time to prove to myself how much harder running is with excess baggage. I finished in 49 minutes, so just over 6 min kms.

As God as my witness, from today on I WILL break out of this “funk” I have been in and get on with the task of being kinder to my body.

Miss Pinky